The first beat that I ever made that I thought was actually worth a damn was called 'Toilet Paper Nostrils,' and I made it when I had a cold. I had the worst cold ever. And I had toilet-paper nostrils making music, but it was really reflective of how I felt. It was a really sad trumpet sound.

Flying Lotus

We live in such a celebrity-driven culture, but all those people have to go buy toilet paper, and all those people have products they use and their favorite sweet treats. They all have to write to-do lists, and they're all reading books - well, hopefully most people are doing those things.

Abbi Jacobson

I really can't be bothered going to a barber. And shaving every morning, that's nightmarish. I spent my teenage years covered in tiny little bits of toilet paper.

Alan Moore

When I was about 7 years old, I built a leprechaun trap out of a cardboard box, a biscuit tin and some toilet paper tubes.

Alex Hirsch

Before you rip off three feet of toilet paper, consider that each year 500,000 acres of virgin boreal forest in northern Alberta and Ontario are being clear-cut to make the stuff. These forests are home to some 500 First Nation communities, as well as caribou and bears, moose and wolves, and, in the summertime, billions of songbirds.

Alex Shoumatoff

I'm a writer who stacks cat food for a living. It's true: I have a master's degree in creative writing, I've published two critically successful books, and I get paid to replenish the shelves of my local food co-op with pet food, sponges and toilet paper. Nine days out of 10, I do it quite happily.

Ali Liebegott

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Billy Wilder

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.

Billy Wilder

I'm looking into making toilet paper. It's not an option unless you a bum and gotta use newspaper. It's not an option. Like, it's an option if you wanna drive a car. It's an option if you wanna use a straw. It's an option if you wanna wear a pair of Nikes or Reeboks.

Cam'ron

You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some weird coloured embossed stuff.

Captain Beefheart

My mom really let us do our own thing and play with different trends, and my sister was a little older, so she had all the beauty tricks. I would stuff things like rolled-up toilet paper into my hair to get volume, or do the reverse, and I'd lie on my back, and she'd use an actual iron to straighten it.

Chrissy Teigen

I never saw the light of day at Bouley. I remember I would bring home a roll of toilet paper a week because we got paid so little, if at all.

Christina Tosi

House Republicans are flimsier than toilet paper, except toilet paper actually has use. They're so pathetic.

Corey Stewart

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper.

Daphne Zuniga

If you can market smut and toilet paper, you can market movies.

Dawn Steel

If you look at the end of a roll of toilet paper, like the brown paper tube, I basically worked in a factory that made humongous ones like that - for concrete or anything you wanted to put in there. I was the guy who chopped those up into smaller pieces, put them in a box, throw it in a pallet, wrap it up, jump in a forklift and put it on a truck.

Demetrious Johnson

I have said with as much sincerity as I can muster that if I were thrown into a dungeon with a sentence of one hundred years, with my only company being an illiterate guard who came twice a day with meals but who never spoke, I would still write - on coarse toilet paper in the dark if I could spare it.

Edward P. Jones

In our skulls, we carry around 3 pounds of slimy, wet, greyish tissue, corrugated like crumpled toilet paper. You wouldn't think, to look at the unappetizing lump, that it was some of the most powerful stuff in the known universe.

Eliezer Yudkowsky

There's a deep underlying unpredictability to life that is thrilling. In China, my wife would say you go out to buy toilet paper, and you come back, and something interesting or revealing or funny happened on the way.

Evan Osnos

I can tell you, going out to buy toilet paper in the U.S. is a completely predictable experience.

Evan Osnos

The first beat that I ever made that I thought was actually worth a damn was called 'Toilet Paper Nostrils,' and I made it when I had a cold. I had the worst cold ever. And I had toilet-paper nostrils making music, but it was really reflective of how I felt. It was a really sad trumpet sound.

Flying Lotus