We live in such a celebrity-driven culture, but all those people have to go buy toilet paper, and all those people have products they use and their favorite sweet treats. They all have to write to-do lists, and they're all reading books - well, hopefully most people are doing those things.
Abbi Jacobson
I really can't be bothered going to a barber. And shaving every morning, that's nightmarish. I spent my teenage years covered in tiny little bits of toilet paper.
Alan Moore
When I was about 7 years old, I built a leprechaun trap out of a cardboard box, a biscuit tin and some toilet paper tubes.
Alex Hirsch
Before you rip off three feet of toilet paper, consider that each year 500,000 acres of virgin boreal forest in northern Alberta and Ontario are being clear-cut to make the stuff. These forests are home to some 500 First Nation communities, as well as caribou and bears, moose and wolves, and, in the summertime, billions of songbirds.
Alex Shoumatoff
I'm a writer who stacks cat food for a living. It's true: I have a master's degree in creative writing, I've published two critically successful books, and I get paid to replenish the shelves of my local food co-op with pet food, sponges and toilet paper. Nine days out of 10, I do it quite happily.
Ali Liebegott
France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.
Billy Wilder
France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.
I'm looking into making toilet paper. It's not an option unless you a bum and gotta use newspaper. It's not an option. Like, it's an option if you wanna drive a car. It's an option if you wanna use a straw. It's an option if you wanna wear a pair of Nikes or Reeboks.
Cam'ron
You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some weird coloured embossed stuff.
Captain Beefheart
My mom really let us do our own thing and play with different trends, and my sister was a little older, so she had all the beauty tricks. I would stuff things like rolled-up toilet paper into my hair to get volume, or do the reverse, and I'd lie on my back, and she'd use an actual iron to straighten it.
Chrissy Teigen
I never saw the light of day at Bouley. I remember I would bring home a roll of toilet paper a week because we got paid so little, if at all.
Christina Tosi
House Republicans are flimsier than toilet paper, except toilet paper actually has use. They're so pathetic.
Corey Stewart
Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper.
Daphne Zuniga
If you can market smut and toilet paper, you can market movies.
Dawn Steel
If you look at the end of a roll of toilet paper, like the brown paper tube, I basically worked in a factory that made humongous ones like that - for concrete or anything you wanted to put in there. I was the guy who chopped those up into smaller pieces, put them in a box, throw it in a pallet, wrap it up, jump in a forklift and put it on a truck.
Demetrious Johnson
I have said with as much sincerity as I can muster that if I were thrown into a dungeon with a sentence of one hundred years, with my only company being an illiterate guard who came twice a day with meals but who never spoke, I would still write - on coarse toilet paper in the dark if I could spare it.
Edward P. Jones
In our skulls, we carry around 3 pounds of slimy, wet, greyish tissue, corrugated like crumpled toilet paper. You wouldn't think, to look at the unappetizing lump, that it was some of the most powerful stuff in the known universe.
Eliezer Yudkowsky
There's a deep underlying unpredictability to life that is thrilling. In China, my wife would say you go out to buy toilet paper, and you come back, and something interesting or revealing or funny happened on the way.
Evan Osnos
I can tell you, going out to buy toilet paper in the U.S. is a completely predictable experience.
The first beat that I ever made that I thought was actually worth a damn was called 'Toilet Paper Nostrils,' and I made it when I had a cold. I had the worst cold ever. And I had toilet-paper nostrils making music, but it was really reflective of how I felt. It was a really sad trumpet sound.
Flying Lotus
It's not hard to tell we was poor - when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.
Don't let yourself fall into 'empty.' Keep cash in the house. Keep gas in your tank. Keep an extra roll of toilet paper squirreled away. Keep your phone charged.
In captivity, one loses every way of acting over little details which satisfy the essentials of life. Everything has to be asked for: permission to go to the toilet, permission to ask a guard something, permission to talk to another hostage - to brush your teeth, use toilet paper, everything is a negotiation.
When you go to jail, there's so much simple stuff missing. You just want some good toilet paper or a real toothbrush, a real blanket and a real bed to lay in.
When I was on the swim team as a kid, I used to hide out from my coach by going into the bathroom and hiding out in one of the stalls. And I would literally wrap myself in toilet paper so as not to get hypothermia.
The fact that I live in New York, a city that thrives on accessibility, might explain why I was slow to grasp the appeal of Alexa. Here we have bodegas on every corner, most open 24 hours, in case you need to pick up a roll of toilet paper or a bottle of hot sauce in the middle of the night.
When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.
I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.
I always said if I could figure out a way to grow Kleenex and toilet paper on trees, we could pull the plug on society.
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
A rebel. That was me when I was younger. What was a rebel from New Jersey? A rebel was moving to the Village, not sleeping with top sheets, not eating a hot breakfast in the morning, not having 20 rolls of toilet paper and 10 boxes of Kleenex.
I kind of have a strange addiction to hair dryers. Like on the TV show, where they eat toilet paper or eat the wall or something - I'm addicted to hair dryers. Since I was 8 years old, I've used them to fall asleep. I love the white noise. I love the heat. It just puts me right to sleep.
I have the largest collection of Hulk memorabilia in the world - everything from toilet paper, wallpaper, bicycles - all boxed up at my house in Northern California. I've had it for so long, I think it might be time to sell it.
I live with three boys, and I can't tell you how hard it is to get your hands on toilet paper. They steal it.
I don't think many people understand what racism is. The intellectuals use it like toilet paper; it's something they can use. It's not something they live.
Never give an artist like me carte blanche: he would think it's simply toilet paper.
I've always loved 3D. In fact, as a kid, I was exposed to 3D at an early age because my grandfather was a specialist of 3D in cinematheques. And then my cousin put it in 'Science of Sleep' with toilet paper tube cities. But he was a specialist and I always wanted to do something in 3D.
I left Israel to work as a model, to just make money - I didn't care if I was doing an ad for toilet paper or diapers, I just really wanted to allow myself to go to school, to go to university without waitressing, because when I'm in a school environment I just really like to study and have the best grades and learn as much as I can.
For some reason, the only Swedish I know how to say is, 'There is no toilet paper.'
It used to be that comic strips were the big thing, and comic books were toilet paper.
What I've come to find out is it doesn't matter if you're selling a $10,000 gown or toilet paper: The everyday sort of humdrum of customer service and retail is the same.
I can play the main stage at the Newport Folk Festival in front of 10,000 people and do all the gigs and stuff I want to do. Then I can go home and get toilet paper on a Sunday morning and not get hassled.
I was never the class clown or put on shows at home. I never thought of acting as something I could do with my life. When I was a kid, I used to run around wrapped in toilet paper so I could be the Mummy. But that wasn't a sign that I was dreaming of being an actor. I was just an odd child.
I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.
If you're embarking around the world in a hot-air balloon, don't forget the toilet paper.
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
The only reason I'd bring a Bible out here is if I needed toilet paper.
Hate American toilets with only toilet paper and no bidets.
I can say with a solid degree of authority that I am a selfish person. I spontaneously forget the names of more people than not, unless I want to make out with them. I will take the last square of toilet paper off the roll without thinking twice. I tip taxi drivers so poorly I'm amazed none of them have run over my foot while speeding off.
When I started as a color man in the booth with CBS, I would make footballs out of a roll of toilet paper.
