I like my life alone. I mean, I love being with friends, and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices.
Sarah Silverman
I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.
It fills me with a weird rage to wear shoes that make me not able to walk easily or run if I had to. It feeds into this whole 'war on women' thing in my head.
I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.
I can't believe how much time has passed. The first time I did stand-up I was 17, and I was really a stand-up once I was 19 in New York, and now I'm 41, and I still feel like I haven't found myself onstage.
Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.
I definitely think that prescription drugs, like antidepressants, are prescribed so cavalierly, anyone can get anything, but I need it. I do think that it needs to work hand and hand with therapy.
I'm a very ritualistic person. I have to wash my face twice, and on the second wash before I rinse, I brush my teeth, then I rinse, then I floss, then I put on moisturizer. I'm ritualistic. Jewishness is very ritualistic.
I have no religion, but I can't escape being extremely Jewish ethnically - that is, culturally. In other words, I'm not religious, but I worry and I'm neurotic. And I'm very good with money.
I just think of myself as a comedian, really. I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.
I still have highs and lows, maybe I don't cry salty tears as much.
Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.
The first time I did stand-up I was 17, and I was really a stand-up once I was 19 in New York, and now I'm 41, and I still feel like I haven't found myself onstage. Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident.
Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. I kind of feel in between now.
You're supposed to have friends you can tell anything to.
I don't really care for, like, fat jokes about women, specifically.
I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.
I like my life alone.
I like my messiness on stage, though I watch comics who come at a joke from every angle and I think, 'Yeah! That's how it's done!' But for me it's the audience. If I feel connected to them, I have so much fun, and if not, it stinks.
Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.
I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me.
As a kid, I was terrified. I was a bed wetter, and I had to go to sleepaway camp every summer, which was humiliating and terrifying. I had lots of insecurities and scaredness.
The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17.
Traditionally, I have no right to talk about race. I'm white; I didn't grow up in an all-black neighborhood. But the license I see for myself is I'm a member of the world.
I'm doing a lot of stand-up, but not like when you're living in New York and you can do three sets a night and it's your life, and you sleep all day and you wake up and you eat with a bunch of other comics and then get ready for the night.
If I have kids, I'll adopt.
I'm not the marrying type, but I always want to be with someone who is a fan.
I just think of myself as a comedian, really.
What are the chances there is a God, really?
I do love the idea of ritual.
I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.
I started out in clubs, and I've always liked clubs. I like theaters because people are there for the show.
I have very vivid dreams - almost always action-adventure. I'm often on the run. I've always had dreams. When I was little, I'd go to sleep with my head on my hands, which were in fists like I was looking through a camera. I felt like sleep was the movies - just drifting off to the movies.
When I came out to L. A., I got a part in an episode of 'Star Trek: Voyager,' and I hired an acting coach.
I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.
It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it.
And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.
By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live.
You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage.
They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.
I really think everything is fair game.
That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive.
But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.
Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it.
Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.
I mean, I love being with friends and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices.
I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.
I never want to be in a position where I have to defend my material. It's too subjective. It's for other people to defend or not defend.
I'd love to do drama if it was interesting.
Smells definitely do have a crazy impact on me.
