I've gathered some of my close musical and comedian friends, and we're going to see if we can't bring a few laughs to these soldiers, raise some money, and hopefully lift their spirits. I consider it an honor and a privilege to give back however I can for the many sacrifices of these incredibly brave men and women.

Ron White

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Ron White

You can't fix stupid.

Ron White

Donald Trump - and I don't dislike Donald one single bit - has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.

Ron White

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

Ron White

There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.

Ron White

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

Ron White

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Ron White

I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.

Ron White

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

Ron White

I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.

Ron White

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.

Ron White

The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant.

Ron White

There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.

Ron White

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper.

Ron White

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

Ron White

My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan - thin, slow, and it leaks.

Ron White

I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!

Ron White

Pace, rhythm and timing. Pace, rhythm and timing is what it's about. The content's got to be great, but then it's got to be delivered. It's a tricky thing to do, and it takes a lot of work.

Ron White

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

Ron White

I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can't say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.

Ron White