Then after a few years I felt good in daily life but as soon as I started to push my body the symptoms came back and I had no strength at all. I got so tired. After an easy practice session all I wanted to do was sleep for days.
Robin Soderling
For a long time I couldn't even watch tennis on TV because I missed it too much. I was bitter and upset because it didn't seem fair. I was young and it was tough to see players that I played against my age, even older performing well.
I was in bed with cold sweats, all different symptoms. It was really terrible for a long time, and when the fever went away there was all this weakness and tiredness.
I am really proud of other things in my career: being in the top five, reaching the final of a grand slam twice. I'm actually even more proud of making it to the French Open final in 2010 than the previous year.
I was the perfect person to have a burnout because I was not listening to my body at all.
I feel really good, then I start to practice, and then I think maybe in a couple of months I can come back and I really believe it. Then I do a bit too much and wake up one morning not feeling well again.
I used to be able to practice, get a massage, have something to eat and feel ready for the rest of the day.
When I got on court I felt really confident, really good but I also felt like there was no pressure. No-one expected to me to win so I tried to see it as there's only an upside.
I love to train hard. My only answer to setbacks was pushing harder.
All my life, I've been focusing on tennis, training, getting results. Jenni and I wanted to have kids pretty early, but we waited. We always thought it was better in the future. Now I don't understand why we ever waited.
In 2011, I was in the best physical shape of my life. I was one of the five best players in the world and I had won four titles by the end of July. But from one day to another, I couldn't take a step. I couldn't breathe.
There's no shame in speaking about mental illness. It's a very common problem in today's society, no matter if you're playing sports or working in another field. It's something that needs to be spoken about a lot more.
No one gives you information and tools on how you are supposed to handle the pressure both on and off the court.
