The good thing about being a writer is that you don't need anything except for a laptop. You can really do your own work, and if you're not manically compelled to write all the time before you do it professionally, it's probably not a business for you, anyway.

Robert Ben Garant

Writing a screenplay's not rocket science, but I was in a bar, and the bartender came up to me and said, 'I saw 'Night at the Museum,' and the thing about him and his kid brought me and my kid together.' Something like that... it's like, 'Oh, right. That's why we're doing it.'

Robert Ben Garant

Science Art Writing

What happens is, you write a spec, people get it, they see your writing, they see you're good, they bring you into their office, and they say, 'Boy, that spec was really good - we'll never make that in a million years. We have rights to the board game of Monopoly. What do you think about a Monopoly movie?'

Robert Ben Garant

Good Your You

The 'Reno' movie is very solid. 'Balls of Fury' I'm pretty disappointed in - I blame myself. People hate both of those movies equally.

Robert Ben Garant

Movies Very Those

My college years are a blur.

Robert Ben Garant

Years Year Leg

'Reno' was originally going to be a sketch show, with the cops as a transitional element.

Robert Ben Garant

Men Wit Transition

There are a huge amount of people who sell a TV pilot every year, but most of them never get produced. It's very easy to make a living and never get anything produced.

Robert Ben Garant

Year Who Very

In cop shows, the police don't get to rag on each other and rag on their commander and rag on the person they just pulled over. That was all 'Reno' was, and I think that's all cops do 90 percent of their day.

Robert Ben Garant

Us Think Thin

You'll be in the checkout line at the supermarket, and there will be one of our movies in between the Certs and 'The National Enquirer.' That's where some of ours end up.

Robert Ben Garant

Movies You Will

You hear a lot of writers talk like writing is therapy or some kind of magic art, but it's a business.

Robert Ben Garant

Business Art You

There's a studio formula of making a movie that Betty White fans and Ice Cube fans are going to love, so it's a really broad brush.

Robert Ben Garant

Love White Us

I don't think people realize how many scripts you write that go nowhere.

Robert Ben Garant

You Write Where

L.A. is like an oil rig. It's not pretty. It's awful. The air is bad, the view is bad, the people are bad.

Robert Ben Garant

View T Rig

I write manically.

Robert Ben Garant

Write T Rite

We joke a lot about how, in Hollywood, the writer is one step below the doormat. That's not self-loathing. That's true!

Robert Ben Garant

Writer Write Wood

People fight in New Orleans about what's the best po'boy, and Domilise's always comes up. It's the best one I've ever had.

Robert Ben Garant

Ways Way Up

Sometimes, when people don't like our movies, we're like, 'I'm with you.'

Robert Ben Garant

Time Movies You

Paul Rudd's a really weird, silly, silly man. He gets on 'Friends,' and he gets to show, like, one tiny little window of how truly berserk he can be.

Robert Ben Garant

Window Wind Win

We had a great run on 'Reno' - 87 episodes and a movie. Not too shabby.

Robert Ben Garant

Great UN Too

Movies are very, very good to me; What do I need TV for?

Robert Ben Garant

Movies Good Very

The good thing about being a writer is that you don't need anything except for a laptop. You can really do your own work, and if you're not manically compelled to write all the time before you do it professionally, it's probably not a business for you, anyway.

Robert Ben Garant

Work Time Good

I never really saw 'The Kids in the Hall' until after we started 'The State.'

Robert Ben Garant

I would say, A, you can't really teach anyone how to write good characters, because it's something you have to teach yourself or already have innately in you as a storyteller, and, B, coming up with a good screenplay is a very, very small fraction of what it takes to be a good screenwriter.

Robert Ben Garant

When I walk out of a movie that's actually good, I write emails to anybody I know who was involved with it.

Robert Ben Garant

If a movie has three decent scenes and a decent character, I think, 'OK, at least they got that guy right.'

Robert Ben Garant

Most movies were always terrible.

Robert Ben Garant

When we were doing 'Viva Variety,' we knew, 'Boy, this really cracks us up, but this is not for everybody. This is a little weird.'

Robert Ben Garant

Sketch shows change gears so drastically every two minutes. I think sketch shows are for sketch fans; they're not really for everybody.

Robert Ben Garant

I think with any movie, directing is more in the preparation. You just have to prepare for everything that's going to happen.

Robert Ben Garant

Sometimes when you do a whole script, you hand it off, and it gets rewritten by a bunch of people, and people don't really get that much of a sense of how funny you can be.

Robert Ben Garant

If you have a writing partner that you don't share a work ethic with, it's doomed.

Robert Ben Garant

Not a lot of movies have their own feel.

Robert Ben Garant

I go into movies I hate, and that movie will make $500 million.

Robert Ben Garant

It's much easier to get your material out to the public now than it was in 1988, when you basically had to get onto cable to have a joke heard across the country. Now all you need is an iPhone, and you can get your joke heard across the country.

Robert Ben Garant

There is so much that I love about all aspects of making a film or a TV show.

Robert Ben Garant

A lot of times when you're trying to do improv, everybody's doing a different style.

Robert Ben Garant

It's always hard to watch bad actors improv on your skit.

Robert Ben Garant

I think our 'Reno' cops are, basically, if you made us make fun of ourselves at a party. That is what we would do. We would do those characters and not really think about it. We didn't develop the characters; everyone just put on a name tag and started improvising.

Robert Ben Garant

We're writing movies that people buy without thinking about it.

Robert Ben Garant

Telltale signs that your movie is going to go bad is, one, the producer of the movie flees the country.

Robert Ben Garant

Nobody mentioned this in any of the reviews, but the reason we came up with that plot for 'Reno 911: Miami' is because we thought it was just the stupidest title for a movie that we could think of.

Robert Ben Garant

'Reno 911: Miami!' is a terrible, terrible title, and all the reviews - good and mostly bad - nobody pointed out how stupid a title that was. But you can hardly come up with a sentence that's more awkward.

Robert Ben Garant

There were guys in 'The State' who would take one script and rewrite it and rewrite it and rewrite it and fight for it for a whole season, and after a couple of seasons, you realized that doesn't work. You have to just be willing to throw something away, no matter how good it is, and write a better joke.

Robert Ben Garant

When we first started to write our first movie, 'You Are Going To Prison,' we wanted it to be crazy and unique, brand new, our voice, not like anything that'd ever been before. It took us about a year to write our first script.

Robert Ben Garant

You need to learn that, unless your lead character is written in a way that one of the 20 movie stars want to play him, your movie will not get made.

Robert Ben Garant

You can't teach somebody how to be a good writer.

Robert Ben Garant

You write a spec, and you pour your heart and soul and life into a spec, and you think that spec is the movie that's going to sell and get made... I've never heard of anybody that happened to.

Robert Ben Garant

We were going to do 'Reno 911!: New York, New York, Las Vegas,' which was like a 'Die Hard' set not in New York, but in the New York, New York casino in Las Vegas. We were really excited about being locked into the one casino and doing a bad action movie.

Robert Ben Garant

'The State' had never done improv. We used to go over scripts for weeks and argue about every joke. But I don't know how we would have scripted 'Reno.'

Robert Ben Garant

If one real working screenwriter had visited us in college and just said, 'This is what my day is like,' it would have been really helpful.

Robert Ben Garant

'Balls of Fury' was my first time directing, and that's a movie that I think parts of it are great.

Robert Ben Garant