I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.

Pat Paulsen

It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.

Pat Paulsen

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

Pat Paulsen

I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.

Pat Paulsen

We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and, of course, the boogieman.

Pat Paulsen

I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.

Pat Paulsen

I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man.

Pat Paulsen

The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.

Pat Paulsen

In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.

Pat Paulsen

As I've always said: The future lies ahead.

Pat Paulsen

So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.

Pat Paulsen

You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years!

Pat Paulsen

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

Pat Paulsen

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

Pat Paulsen

Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'

Pat Paulsen

I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it?

Pat Paulsen

Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon.

Pat Paulsen

If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun.

Pat Paulsen

I like to pour my wines for people. I watch their eyes, I can see what they'll like. Most people say they don't like dry wine because they haven't had a dry wine that's clean and fruity, instead of a big, oaky thing.

Pat Paulsen

I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan.

Pat Paulsen

You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.

Pat Paulsen