Everything is about energy. We're surrounded by electro mist, fog and smog. We're covering ourselves in the wrong sorts of electro-magnetism. These idiot politicians who talk about climate change, for goodness sake, do they really think little us can do anything about it? No, of course not.
Noel Edmonds
It's amazing how a simple brief phone call can pick up the spirits of the most dejected hamster, the most stressed goldfish and the most neurotic cat.
Someone accused me of having 'gone off the rails' but I've never been on them hence the success and happiness I enjoy on a daily basis.
I was brought up to be loyal, trustworthy, hardworking and to deliver. If you hired Noel Edmonds to do something then, by God, he worked hard at it.
I haven't got a problem with sheeple calling me crazy. What's sane? What is crazy?
I may be Marmite but there's a hell of a lot of people that seem to like Noel's version of Marmite.
Is there a bigger hypocrite than Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury and the CEO of 'Lords Bank?'
I didn't say a pulsed electro-magnetic field cures cancer. I don't believe it does. All I said is that it will help tackle cancer.
When you go to the darkest place, all reason and logic deserts you and you are very dependent on having good people around you.
If you want to be happy you need to think of yourself as a container of energy. There is a universal energy, yes of course, it embraces us. When you appreciate this, life becomes a lot more exciting. You don't live life, life lives you.
I'm a big fan of Ant and Dec, I think they're excellent presenters.
Orbs are little bundles of positive energy and they think they can move between 500 and 1,000 miles per hour. They look like little round planets, but they come in all shapes and sizes. Conventional photography can't pick them up, but digital cameras can.
I've seen 'X Factor' but I don't watch it. I don't watch 'Takeaway' either.
I think too many people take life too seriously. I'm having a ball!
You cannot die. My energy will return to where it came from, part of a massive, incomprehensible universal web of energy.
I've got loads of photographs of me at home with two orbs that visit me. The two that I have are about the size of melons. One sits on my arm and the other is usually in the back of the shot, sitting just over my right shoulder.
I have delivered lambs, calves and foals on our farms over the years.
You don't just stop believing in something because it doesn't always work.
Every single human being can achieve a perfect vibrational balance between their positive and negative energy.
I've driven a Formula One car, flown a helicopter, flown with the Red Arrows, met kings and queens, been to the White House.
If you love me I will promise I love you, if you are my mate I will die for you. But if somebody starts giving it me, I will give it back.
The biggest problem we have is not Ebola, it's not AIDS, it's electro smog.
No Botox, no facelifts. I've had two laser surgeries for my eyesight, that's it. The rest is down to good genes and my unique personal formula for good health.
I'd quite like to put Noel Edmonds who was on the television and radio in a compartment and remember all that with great fondness and gratitude but consign it to history.
All you are is energy, remember that.
HBOS had robbed me of my marriage, my family, my businesses, my longstanding friend and business partner, my income, my investments, my self-respect, my reputation, my privacy, my physical and mental health. It cost me my security, my image rights, my collection of classic cars - and very nearly my life.
What we used to have in Britain was professions, and then we had industry. Then at some point, maybe with Margaret Thatcher, we suddenly industrialised our professions. And now we have lawyers with products and banks with products, and lecturers and teachers with products.
The BBC is a very confident broadcasting organisation and it needs brands like 'Top of the Pops' and 'Top Gear.'
As an only child to be there when your parents say goodbye, that's tough.
I believe doctors and scientists who say that disruption of our immune system by negative energy makes you prone to diseases of which cancer is one. That is a medical fact.
If ailing British companies such as Rolls-Royce, Land Rover, British Airways and Cadbury can be turned around, there is still hope for the BBC.
Only those who've presented live television really know how difficult it is to make it look easy.
I have business interests in Dubai, Monaco and all over the world.
Maybe I was always more than one person, or even two. Maybe being on TV was just my job. People find it hard to get their heads around that. A couple of times I have shone a light on the other sides of my life, but I have learned to be cautious about that. Because people are only comfortable with the Noel Edmonds they see on television.
Start by writing down ten positive words to describe yourself. Write them on a card - the size of a business card will do - and bring it out whenever you feel insecure or your self-esteem is running low. Bring it out before you walk into a big party or go to an important meeting. It will help you, believe me. Carry it everywhere.
Our future is in our hands and we must stop looking to politicians to fix matters - they can't.
I didn't have any friends when I was at Radio 1. I didn't hang out with anyone and I didn't hang around after work. The other DJs hated me because first I was given the 'Breakfast Show,' and then I got on television.
Well, I think Ant and Dec clearly liked me because 'Saturday Night Takeaway' is basically 'Noel's House Party.'
Haven't we all grown up trusting high street banks? Their branches were fixtures, not only in our towns and cities, but in the way our lives ran. Yet it is no exaggeration to say that thousands, possibly millions of us, instead of being helped have found our lives permanently damaged by the toxic U.K. financial system.
There is a theme to my broadcasting career - I've never done anything just for the money.
I don't care if someone calls me names.
Death is a word in the dictionary. I don't believe in that word. I think the most appropriate word is 'departure' because we are energy and you can't create or destroy energy, you can only change its form.
If you want to get things done in life, you don't go into politics. If you want to get things done in life you go into communications. Absolutely certain.
I've met so many politicians I absolutely despise.
There isn't such a thing as death. It's just a departure.
Wi-fi and all the systems we are introducing into our lives are destroying our own natural electro-magnetic fields.
I think cancer - I'm not an expert or a doctor - but I think cancer is the result of undigested dreams and forcing yourself to do something that is not distinctively you.
I'm very straightforward on immigration. The bus is full. We haven't got enough energy, we haven't got enough electricity, we haven't got enough of a health service.
I'm a very tolerant person and I'm open to new ideas; I'm not an evangelist. I don't go round telling people, 'You must try this.' But I don't pour scorn on any idea either.
I've had a fantastic relationship with the British public.
