Hopefully everybody in the audience thinks, 'That's cool. I could do that.' I don't like the thought that they say, 'I saw the Beastie Boys last night, and they're mega-stars.' I'm a lot happier when the kids who come backstage or to the hotel try to give us tapes of what they've done instead of just getting an autograph.

Mike D

One of the problems with hedge funds is that they are changing so rapidly. If you have the balance sheet that closed business last night, by 11 A.M. this morning, that won't tell you very much about what they're doing.

Alan Greenspan

Morning Business You

It's so nice to run into people even now who - if I'm out, a couple of times a week, somebody comes up to me and says, 'I just loved you in '50 First Dates.' That movie is my favorite movie. I just watched it last night.' In my head, I'm always thinking, 'You're kidding me. I never watch anything twice.'

Amy Hill

Time Love You

You noticed from last night, we only did two from the 80s. And our set's two hours long.

Ann Wilson

You Two T

The worst thing ever for me is go see a movie, and the next day I go, 'What did I do last night? I have no memory of this $300 million movie I watched because I felt nothing.'

Asif Kapadia

Worst Thing Worst Watched

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.

Bennett Cerf

Art T String

The health care reform legislation passed by the U.S. House of Representatives last night clearly violates the U.S. Constitution and infringes on each state's sovereignty.

Bill McCollum

Health Car Violate

Last night, two men tried to force my shutters. I recognized them: they are two of Rodin's Italian models. He told them to kill me. I am in his way; he wants to get rid of me.

Camille Claudel

Men Way Wants

I had one girl tell me last night that I'm the greatest thing ever, that she wants to aspire to be me. Just stuff like, 'You're my idol. I love you.' It's awesome. It's what it's all about.

Carli Lloyd

Love Great You

It's nice to know you have support. Last night I got a marriage proposal. I just laughed.

Carrie Underwood

Marriage Age You

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies.

Charlie Sheen

Wreck Wit Up

Yes, beef is what was for dinner last night. Tonight it will be my dinner, and it will continue to be.

Christopher Bond

Yes Will Tonight

I just finished a novel called 'Exult,' by Joe Quirk, last night. It's about hang gliding. I liked his first book, too, 'The Ultimate Rush.' I now know that I never, ever, ever want to go hang gliding, so that's good.

Christopher Moore

Good Want Us

During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.

Conan O'Brien

War Marriage Age

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

Craig Kilborn

War Sad Power

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?

David Letterman

Sad God Us

I wake up and check my Instagram to see what I missed out on last night. Then I check my Twitter. Then I check my Tumblr.

Domo Genesis

Wit Wake Up Wake

With the DVR, I was mostly writing about it as a good thing in giving us the choice of when and how to watch things. But there's what we lose in the bargain, which is the collective spectacle. 'Did you see Jay Leno last night?'

Douglas Rushkoff

Good You Writing

But, as we've seen over the last several months, the people in this country are very dissatisfied with the direction that this administration is taking this country. And what we heard last night was absolutely the ignoring of that fact. It was: We're going to continue with this agenda. In fact, we're going to double down on healthcare.

Eric Cantor

Health Car Age

I will make up a crush, you hear me?! I will look at a guy and say, for two months at least, 'I think you're cute.' And then I can be psycho. I will go in my head and make a whole life with him, he don't even understand why I'm mad at him. I'm like... 'cause you came in late last night!' And he's like, 'I don't even know you.'

Ester Dean

Life You Wit

I was hanging out with Jonathan Richman last night.

Evan Dando

Wit Than T

The relationship between 'My Chemical Romance' and Michael Pedicone is over. He was caught red-handed stealing from the band and confessed to police after our show last night in Auburn, Washington. We are heartbroken and sick to our stomachs over this entire situation.

Frank Iero

As much as the Democrats try to change the subject, this election will be about Barack Obama, period. Mitt's speech last night hit all the right notes, but this fight is not about him. He's just the vessel. Now the question is, does this guy at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. who thinks the private sector is doing fine get another four years?

Howie Carr

I just saw 'Men, Women & Children' last night, and it's a devastating movie in a lot of ways, but it's so well done, so well acted.

J. K. Simmons

If you can live in Vegas, or visit Vegas, and leave in one piece, still loving it and somehow laughing about it, you should spend at least part of your last night in town doing something that will serve you well no matter where you go next: thank your lucky stars.

J. R. Moehringer

I'm very proud of 'Gavin and Stacey,' but I think I have to write something else even to start to consider myself a writer. Just because you do something once, it doesn't mean that's who you are. I played football last night; it doesn't mean I'm a footballer.

James Corden

When we were kids, if somebody said, 'What did you watch last night?' you would have said, 'BBC Two,' but now they'll just say, 'My mobile.'

James May

Last night I dreamed of a small consolation enjoyed only by the blind: Nobody knows the trouble I've not seen!

James Thurber

Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.

Jay Leno

I like throwing on shorts and a plaid button up with messy hair and last night's eyeliner and sunglasses and wandering the town. And if there's a guy I dig with his arm around me, too, that's pretty nice.

Jessica Parker Kennedy

I can't take days off and play like I did last night. Maybe some people can, but I can't.

Jimmy Chamberlin

Sometimes I'll feel like an interview was fine or whatever, and people go, 'Oh, boy, I saw you with so and so last night; that must have been tough.' And then I'm like, 'I guess it was bad. I need to look back at that.'

Jimmy Kimmel

I heard someone in opposition to reform last night criticize the president for saying it's their money. They said it's not their money; it's my mother's money. Well that's what's wrong with the system.

Johnny Isakson

The original 'About Last Night' was phenomenal.

Kevin Hart

I've done a great job at being universal in my stand-up, which is why, for 'Let Me Explain,' I toured all over the world. These movies I have coming out - 'Ride Along,' 'Grudge Match,' 'About Last Night,' 'Think Like a Man Too' - are putting me in a position to become universal on an even bigger scale.

Kevin Hart

I first played the Royal Albert Hall when I was 14. I was a violinist with the Birmingham Schools Concert Orchestra, and we travelled down from the Midlands for the last night of the School Proms. We played some pieces from the Harry Potter films, and the violin parts were really hard.

Laura Mvula

I saw 'Food, Inc.' last night - it was like a horror movie. I'm definitely thinking about my food supply now and how I want to grow my own.

Lauren Ambrose

I don't go out that much anymore, unfortunately. I used to enjoy it, but I'm just so busy. Like last night, everybody else went out, and I just went straight home and went to bed.

Lee Ann Womack

It is too soon to tell, but old, tired 'Survivor' last night beat 'X Factor.' We're really proud of that. We're anticipating a very strong season for CBS.

Leslie Moonves

We spent last night listening to Liverpool football team on the radio, wanting them to win so badly. Paul supports Liverpool. He was Everton for a while because of his family - but it's all Liverpool now.

Linda McCartney

There are a lot of things I can take, and a few that I can't. What I can't take is when my older brother, who's everything that I want to be, starts losing faith in things. I saw that look in your eyes last night. I don't ever want to see that look in your eyes again.

M. Night Shyamalan

I made observations for three hours last night, and am almost ill today from fatigue; still I have worked all day, trying to reduce the places, and mean to work hard again tonight.

Maria Mitchell

We exist in this weirdly schizo culture, where sex is everywhere in the media, and yet, at the same time, you don't sit down and have a conversation about what you did in bed last night with your friends. Despite the ubiquity of sex, it's still a taboo when it comes to day-to-day conversation.

Mary Roach

If the worst that happens is that I wake up and see a picture of myself and a headline saying, 'He wasn't very funny last night', then I've got nothing to complain about.

Matt Lucas

Cured yesterday of my disease, I died last night of my physician.

Matthew Prior

No Roman ever was able to say, 'I dined last night with the Borgias'.

Max Beerbohm

A clear cold morning with high wind: we caught in a trap a large gray wolf, and last night obtained in the same way a fox who had for some time infested the neighbourhood of the fort.

Meriwether Lewis

Great numbers of the Indians pass our camp on their hunting excursions: the day was clear and pleasant, but last night was very cold and there was a white frost.

Meriwether Lewis

We had high and boisterous winds last night and this morning: the Indians continue to purchase repairs with grain of different kinds.

Meriwether Lewis

The rain, which had continued yesterday and last night, ceased this morning. We then proceeded, and after passing two small islands about ten miles further, stopped for the night at Piper's landing, opposite another island.

Meriwether Lewis

Hopefully everybody in the audience thinks, 'That's cool. I could do that.' I don't like the thought that they say, 'I saw the Beastie Boys last night, and they're mega-stars.' I'm a lot happier when the kids who come backstage or to the hotel try to give us tapes of what they've done instead of just getting an autograph.

Mike D