It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain
There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
Buy land, they're not making it anymore.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
We have the best government that money can buy.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
Loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
