Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.
Larry David
I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.
I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.
I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.
The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.
Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.
Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.
I'm anti-cheese in a salad.
I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.
I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.
When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.
Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!
All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.
OK, I'm happy. I'm happy. All right? I'm happy.
Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base.
The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.
Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.
Women love a self-confident bald man.
The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.
Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself.
I'm still driving a Prius, yeah.
I'm a walking, talking enigma.
I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.
If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.
Let's not forget, I got divorced.
I don't like to make a big splash anyway.
My background is degradation and sloth, mostly.
I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.
It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.
I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.
I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.
Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!
I'm not quite as anonymous as I was.
I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.
Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.
Drugs scared me.
My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.
I have reservations about everything I do.
I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it.
I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'
I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through.
In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.
There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!
I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me.
I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.
The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.
I am not honest.
I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.
