Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
Kinky Friedman
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.
May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.
Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.
I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.
I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.
The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.
Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.
I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.
How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?
The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.
We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.
Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'
Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.
The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.
These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.
When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.
No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.
Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.
I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.
I'll sign anything except bad legislation.
I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.
I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.
I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.
William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.
The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.
I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.
If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.
I don't apologize to people with an agenda.
You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.
We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.
I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!
I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.
I see an issue I like, and I support it.
We were a country band with a social conscience.
And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.
Young people are the key to this election.
We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.
