We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.
Kin Hubbard
A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.
It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money.
Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.
Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
All the world loves a good loser.
Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.
A loafer always has the correct time.
There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us.
Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.
There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.
It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.
Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.
A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.
After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.
As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.
The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.
Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.
It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.
