I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.
Kathy Griffin
I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at.
I prefer being known for my stand-up because I write it. I love being an actor, and saying other people's words is great. But then, when I do stand-up, I love getting my own point of view out there.
If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.
I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.
The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.
Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.
I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list.
I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.
It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.
I have a no-apology policy.
So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.
I am an outsider looking in, absolutely. You're not going to see me at the Academy Awards 'Vanity Fair' party any time soon. I'm not somebody who, no matter where I go, there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world, and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
I'm basically always on tour.
That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.
I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.
I don't like doing movies, period. Movies are hard. I like TV.
I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!
Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.
I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.
The great thing about celebrity culture is that they can't seem to stop themselves from displaying their ridiculous behaviour. I feel it's my job as a serious investigative journalist to witness all kinds of behaviour and then report back to the audience through the prism of my own anger and bitterness.
I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.
My friend Anderson Cooper is the scion of one of America's great shipping and railroad families, the Vanderbilts.
I have to tell you, though, the sexism in late night talk is so profound.
That's life when you're on the D-list.
I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.
Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.
I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.
Have I gone too far?
The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.
I do road gigs occasionally but I don't want to go out on the road for months at a time.
So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it.
No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.
I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.
My act is based on my life.
I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.
I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
I am in love with Larry David.
It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.
My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.
A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor.
But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
