I think Haig will be foolish, but perhaps not quite as foolish as Kissinger was, because Haig doesn't have the education Kissinger had. Haig is a little more dangerous because, I fear, he believes what he says, whereas I never got that impression from Kissinger.

Joseph Heller

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Joseph Heller

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

Joseph Heller

He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.

Joseph Heller

He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.

Joseph Heller

When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

Joseph Heller

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

Joseph Heller

Every writer I know has trouble writing.

Joseph Heller

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.

Joseph Heller

Rise above principle and do what's right.

Joseph Heller

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to.

Joseph Heller

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Joseph Heller

I do not have, and never had, any interest in either the Bible or religion.

Joseph Heller

All of my books deal in a very rough, rude fashion with subjects about which there are great conflicts of opinion.

Joseph Heller

Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.

Joseph Heller

Never quit a job as a matter of principle. You'll always regret it.

Joseph Heller

I've only had four ideas for a novel in my life, and I've written all of them.

Joseph Heller

But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

Joseph Heller

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.

Joseph Heller

I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.

Joseph Heller

Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.

Joseph Heller