It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends.
Carrot Top
It's our nature: Human beings like success but they hate successful people.
I've got the long hair and kind of androgynous look. It's love-hate; it's sexy, but not sexy. So it's either you get it or you don't.
My manager has a car payment, so I work every night.
Carrot Top is a nickname that people call me and I thought that it was more marketable.
Almost every day, someone asks if I ever flat iron my hair. I say, 'No, because I'm afraid it wouldn't look good and wouldn't come back curly.'
When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.
I don't want to be known just as 'Carrot Top.' I don't always want to be this crazy, goofy guy.
I always think everyone else is funnier than me. I look at other comedians and I say, 'I wish I was that good.' People think I'm funny, and I say, 'I'm not.'
People always want to put a label on you; they always want to compare you to something.
I'd love to be animated. I've always wanted to jump off of a bridge and not be hurt, like Bugs Bunny.
My way of making people like me was to make 'em laugh.
Everybody has their own style. If you went to the movies every week and everybody acted the same way Tom Cruise did, boy, wouldn't that suck?
Like I told Howard, I can't help it that I'm beautiful.
I had a Neighborhood Crime Watch sign in my dorm wall in college. People would come in and laugh at it. 'Where did you get it?' 'I took it. How good is their Neighborhood Crime Watch if they can't even watch their sign?'
I've always wanted to do a segment on a talk show. Jay Leno has been such a good friend, and if he would allow me, I'd have to get it all together, but I'd like to go on 'The Tonight Show' and do a set with no props. Or come out with a trunk and never touch it. Or come out with a clear trunk with nothing in it.
I think it's the fact that I do something different and that I actually have some success with it. That bothers a lot of people... especially comics.
I always make fun of KISS because I don't particularly think their music is anything.
I always thought marketing in general was an interesting kind of thing. I always liked commercials and billboards.
I love to shop, especially in retro stores. I have about a million pairs of old-school sports shoes like Adidas, so that's probably my biggest vice.
In movies, you don't get reactions: Live, when you do a joke, you know in a second whether it's good or bad. But in a movie, since no one is allowed to laugh or do anything, when you're done with a scene, you're left asking, 'Was that funny?'
I didn't really have a plan of attack when I got in college.
Me in drag is kind of scary, actually. It's frightening. I actually look pretty good.
I do go through a mini depression because one minute there are people yelling and screaming for me on stage and the next I'm at home and it's dead quiet. So it takes a while to come down.
On the weekends, I would go down and play these clubs in Key West or West Palm Beach or surrounding areas of Florida and then I'd go back to school for the week.
People always say to me, 'You're really attractive - in an unusual way.' No one ever just says, 'You're attractive.'
Before I got addicted to comedy, I was seriously thinking about playing tennis full time. I joined the tennis team and played with a lot of professionals.
When I was younger I always thought, 'If I were ever a comedian I'd make it like a rock concert.' I wanted to generate that type of enthusiasm and excitement.
I think it's important for me, for my crew and for the audience to bring something new to each show. I have friends who have done the same act, word for word for word, for 20 years. I have a problem with that. I think the audience should see something new in each show.
I have a home in Orlando. That's kind of my default 'getaway' city.
Comics don't like to see other comics do well.
I never looked at Gallagher like he was a threat to me.
I think the more you do this and the more comfortable you become on stage, you start speaking more and becoming more of a character in yourself.
I think, over the years, I've kind of evolved.
I was the class clown at school, but at home, my family wasn't very funny.
My real name is Scott Thompson. I could have gone by that name, but when I started doing comedy I thought I needed to go by something that has a little more of a hook.
My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.
People do give me a hard time about my hair because it's orange and it's big.
So I try not to look too far into the future because I think that everything happens and will happen for a reason.
The blessing is that everyone knows who I am because of the commercials.
There's nothing wrong with trying to reach out to new fans.
Video games are so popular these days, getting the opportunity to star in one is something special. More people should do it.
I have to go out for lunch and dinner because I can't cook. I need a woman to come and save me from my cooking.
Some people don't realize that I've had a career pre-commercials.
I've experienced plenty of times when something I think is funny doesn't do very well. And there are times when something I don't think is funny makes the audience laugh so hard.
I've always believed that it's important to give something back to the world and community.
I would like to be someone like Steve Martin. That's the path I'd like to follow.
