I'm looking into making toilet paper. It's not an option unless you a bum and gotta use newspaper. It's not an option. Like, it's an option if you wanna drive a car. It's an option if you wanna use a straw. It's an option if you wanna wear a pair of Nikes or Reeboks.

Cam'ron

Well, I've thought many times when my career was in the toilet, that I was going to have to seriously consider getting another job, I don't know what I'd do.

Aaron Eckhart

Time Car Well

We live in such a celebrity-driven culture, but all those people have to go buy toilet paper, and all those people have products they use and their favorite sweet treats. They all have to write to-do lists, and they're all reading books - well, hopefully most people are doing those things.

Abbi Jacobson

Hope Write Well

Late 19th-century America was basically a plutocratic enterprise while people toiled in mines and died of coal dust poisoning.

Adam Conover

While Us Toil

We actually had a toilet on the sideline in college. We had like a little mini-toilet; we'd go and flush it.

Adam Thielen

Us Toilet Toil

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

Adrian Edmondson

Good Yin Written

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

Adrian Edmondson

Good Age Toilet

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Alan King

Teen You Years

I really can't be bothered going to a barber. And shaving every morning, that's nightmarish. I spent my teenage years covered in tiny little bits of toilet paper.

Alan Moore

Teen Morning Age

My father suffered much and toiled painfully all his life, for he had no resources other than the proceeds of his trade from which to support himself and his wife and family.

Albrecht Durer

Life Family Wife

My mum was obsessed with dress... so, in my house, there was always the obsession about aesthetics. She was obsessed with the idea that a beautiful movie is the one where you're so involved you won't go to the toilet during it, or you'll fall asleep with your make-up on after.

Alessandro Michele

Your You Won

When I was about 7 years old, I built a leprechaun trap out of a cardboard box, a biscuit tin and some toilet paper tubes.

Alex Hirsch

Car Years Year

Before you rip off three feet of toilet paper, consider that each year 500,000 acres of virgin boreal forest in northern Alberta and Ontario are being clear-cut to make the stuff. These forests are home to some 500 First Nation communities, as well as caribou and bears, moose and wolves, and, in the summertime, billions of songbirds.

Alex Shoumatoff

Time Home Car

You do not get gold stars for cleaning your toilet. In actual life, there is a depressing lack of stickers.

Alexandra Petri

Life Your You

I cannot help fearing that men may reach a point where they look on every new theory as a danger, every innovation as a toilsome trouble, every social advance as a first step toward revolution, and that they may absolutely refuse to move at all.

Alexis de Tocqueville

War Men Fear

I'm a writer who stacks cat food for a living. It's true: I have a master's degree in creative writing, I've published two critically successful books, and I get paid to replenish the shelves of my local food co-op with pet food, sponges and toilet paper. Nine days out of 10, I do it quite happily.

Ali Liebegott

Success Pet Food

When I started out in the late '80s, my act was pretty terrible, and for years, I kind of toiled in obscurity. I don't believe in a hierarchy in comedy; I feel that a person deserves respect the first time they get onstage, and after that, they just have to be funny and get more consistent.

Andy Kindler

Time Respect Funny

I used to learn my lines on the toilet, in the car, at dinner.

Angie Dickinson

Car Used Use

Sometimes, when the neighborhood is silent and the sky is aswarm with the stars and the mind is swirling like a flushed toilet, a person gets to doubting himself. In the hardest times, the stand-at-the-kitchen-sink-and-stare-into-the blackness times, I put on Bob Dylan's 'Tomorrow Is a Long Time.'

Anthony Doerr

War Time Wit

As to that leisure evening of life, I must say that I do not want it. I can conceive of no contentment of which toil is not to be the immediate parent.

Anthony Trollope

Men Life Which

They must therefore not spoil Alexander's undertaking, especially when they were almost at the close of their toils, and were, moreover, no longer in any difficulty about provisions on their coasting cruise.

Arrian

Were Vision Us

You know you're big when you sit in the bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.

Art Donovan

I spent three weeks on a converted shrimp trawler with 17 people, two toilets, and one shower, all the while diving every day with very active sharks.

Ashlan Gorse Cousteau

When you're not involved, other people's unhappiness seems to be about the funniest damn thing on earth because you think you can solve it, that you are God, that you are above this, and that their unhappiness is just such useless toil and agony. If it's you, it ceases to be a comedy.

Barry Hannah

I've worked at this film festival in Telluride called the Telluride Film Festival. Been there since 2002. I used to make popcorn. I was an usher. Cleaned toilets, everything. Grew up there as a kid.

Barry Jenkins

When I was writing my dissertation, I wrote about Freud and the process of sublimation, which is when you learn to stop breast-feeding, or stop going to the toilet whenever you want to. It's about learning to repress a desire for instant gratification.

Bat for Lashes

As I toiled up the Mount of Olives, in the very footsteps of Christ, panting with the heat and the difficult ascent, I found it utterly impossible to conceive that the Deity, in human form, had walked there before me.

Bayard Taylor

Tonight the city is full of morgues, and all the toilets are overflowing. There's shopping malls coming out of the walls, as we walk out among the manure. That's why I pay no mind.

Beck

I took my son to an exhibition about inventing things, and he was so inspired he started collecting toilet rolls and empty bottles for his own 'inventions.'

Ben Miller

It's funny: I put money into short films, and I put really good actors in it, and I write some stuff that's really funny, and I'll get, like, a million views. But to the right of me, there will be a video of a kitten that falls into a toilet bowl, and it's three seconds long, and it will get 25 million views.

Ben Schwartz

Trouble springs from idleness, and grievous toil from needless ease.

Benjamin Franklin

In Salford, we had fish in our tap water. I remember, one hot summer day, running to the toilet at playtime and dunking our heads in a sink full of water. I remember putting my head in and seeing all these little fish in it.

Bernard Sumner

Juarez had become a failed city. The mayor of Juarez lived in El Paso. Not only did he not live in his own city, he didn't live in his own country. You had all these kids out of school who didn't want to work because they saw their mothers toiling in jobs for hardly any cash.

Beto O'Rourke

Bangkok is a toilet without a flush.

Bhumibol Adulyadej

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Billy Wilder

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.

Billy Wilder

My mother, who died aged 82, had Alzheimer's. Losing your memory is bad enough, but everything shuts down. You can't remember how to eat or go to the toilet. It's a terrible disease and so distressing to watch it take over someone you love.

Bonnie Tyler

If they had told me I was the janitor and would have to mop up and clean the toilets after the show in order to play, I probably would have done it.

Bruce Springsteen

In the dining room, next to my collection of colorful papier-mache Mardi Gras float art, hang draperies made of the New Orleans toile fabric that I designed pre-Katrina for Hazelnut.

Bryan Batt

My parents taught me many of the things that people need in life to feel confident: practical things, such as managing finances, mucking out the goat barn, cleaning a house, doing repairs, mending a broken roof or a toilet.

Bryce Dallas Howard

I'm looking into making toilet paper. It's not an option unless you a bum and gotta use newspaper. It's not an option. Like, it's an option if you wanna drive a car. It's an option if you wanna use a straw. It's an option if you wanna wear a pair of Nikes or Reeboks.

Cam'ron

I would wake up really early and go into the hotel bathroom, put a towel over the toilet, and put my laptop there. I'd put my headphones on and just write. And so now when I do writing sessions, and I am stuck on a part, or I can't figure out a chorus, I'm just like, 'Give me a second,' and I'll go to that bathroom.

Camila Cabello

You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some weird coloured embossed stuff.

Captain Beefheart

I have a strong memory of my early childhood. I can remember life before I was two. I remember being toilet-trained like it was last week - and it wasn't last week.

Caroll Spinney

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

Carolyn Gold Heilbrun

I love not knowing what's going to happen next. With work, you never know. You rehearse and strive and get it right sometimes, and still you never know. Some people are like that with their marriages. They work and strive and labour and toil at them. God, what a bore! What an unromantic bore!

Celia Imrie

Little do such men know the toil, the pains, the daily, nightly racking of the brains, to range the thoughts, the matter to digest, to cull fit phrases, and reject the rest.

Charles Churchill

During the 1970s and 1980s, Congress distributed more than $60 billion to cities to make sure that what goes into toilets, industrial drains and street grates would not endanger human health.

Charles Duhigg

My mom really let us do our own thing and play with different trends, and my sister was a little older, so she had all the beauty tricks. I would stuff things like rolled-up toilet paper into my hair to get volume, or do the reverse, and I'd lie on my back, and she'd use an actual iron to straighten it.

Chrissy Teigen

I never saw the light of day at Bouley. I remember I would bring home a roll of toilet paper a week because we got paid so little, if at all.

Christina Tosi

Praise is nothing that accumulates. Praise is a sequence, especially if you've toiled for a long time. Praise does not pile up. So in a way, you can't get too much. I don't consider it to be a quantity that you can measure by volume.

Christoph Waltz