There's no success story. Everybody's got a ghetto story. You always want to make it bigger than what it is.
Bernie Mac
I'm not a star, and I don't want to be a star. Stars fall. I'm an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job.
I get facials. I get a manicure and pedicure every week. I get my hair cut, and I oil myself down from head to toe. I got that from my brother. I was so impressed with how high maintenance he was. When he left the room, you could still smell him for an hour.
I want to have fun. Life ain't no dress rehearsal. I want to have fun. I'm a comedian; I ain't no politician. So everything I do is with humor, with love.
I'm so black, I leave fingerprints on coal.
I'm looking for laughs, you know? If it take me to flip over a table, if I have to go physical comedy, I will do it. But whatever the joke needs at that particular time, is where I'm dedicated to. I'm not into beating somebody down and beating myself up. I don't do insults and things like that. I don't do it - I'm a storyteller.
That's the whole key to anything: Don't be afraid to fail. And Bernie Mac is not afraid to fail.
I don't have no story. Everybody wants this Hollywood story, but the world don't owe you nothing, man. It's what you owe the world.
My grandmother always told me how you start is how you finish.
I don't care about how I look; I'm dedicated to the laughs. You know, I used to be a clown, so - my name was Smoothie the Clown. All the training I had, all my training is geared toward making people laugh, and I didn't care about being cool.
I always wanted to scuba dive. I used to scuba dive undercover like black Aquaman.
When I hit my 20s, I struggled to make it. I got married at 19, and my daughter, Je'Niece, was born a year later. I worked blue collar jobs during the day and comedy clubs at night, and I was earning about $25 a year doing stand-up.
I'm an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job.
Fear is not one of my attributes.
I can't build myself by beating somebody down.
I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown.
I'm not ashamed to tell the truth about what happened in my family. I think that's what makes my comedy different.
When you're offstage, that's the footprint. That's the man God's gonna judge.
People like rumors. They're going to say things like, 'You was at the club with Lil' Kim, and you and Kanye West got into a fist fight.' You can't get upset. You've got to keep hope alive.
I want to play a villain - I can't wait to play a villain.
I want to do something that people can really say, 'Hey, man, that was good, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of that.' 'Pride' and 'Transformers' and things like that.
When I started in the clubs, I had to work places where didn't nobody else want to work. I had to do clubs where street gangs were, had to do motorcycle gangs, gay balls and things of that nature.
It was rough being dark. I got heat from my own people more than anyone else. I remember going to my mom and saying, 'Why am I so black?' And she said, 'Because I'm black. You just gotta always work harder than the average bear.'
I was in love with a lot of people, because I was a student of the game of comedy - Carol Burnett, Jack Benny, Red Skelton, Jackie Gleason, Don Rickles, Red Foxx, Moms Mabley - who gets no credit, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, George Kirby. I loved them all, and I used to just take a page out of all of them.
You know you poor when you eatin' breakfast food late. You fryin' toast? At nine o'clock at night? With bacon? You're broke.
You know, every time it comes, every time that light comes on or every time that camera comes on, every time that microphone comes on, the Mac Man seek and destroy.
I came from a place where there wasn't a lot of joy.
As I got older, I got into all kinds of things in the streets - but for some reason, I never got caught up with the gangs growing up. Everybody dug me, man. I never had problems.
You don't see me in Los Angeles a lot. I go back home. Because I can't play the game. I can't - my tolerance - I know I'm getting old; I'll be 50 this year. And you know how I know I'm getting old? 'Cause my tolerance level is low.
If I can tell someone a story that makes them bend over and laugh, that's bigger than anything else.
I've always been a reserved cat. When I play sports, there's people used to get mad at me because I didn't hang out and things like that. I've never been that kind of person. Nothing has changed in that regard. I've never been posse, and all that. I'm a quiet storm.
I've been in training for stardom.
I became the storyteller of South Side Chicago. I used an old Kiwi liquid shoe polish as a microphone. I'd go around the house interviewing everybody, telling stupid jokes, doing voices. I mimicked Sidney Poitier, Sammy Davis Jr., people on 'Laugh-In,' Flip Wilson.
I want people to say at the end of my day, you know, like I used to say about Sidney Poitier and James Cagney and Joan Crawford and Red Skelton and those guys and Bill Cosby. They did quality and substance. You always remember them.
Only way you can you get upset is when you expecting something.
I'm a big fan of TV.
When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars - that's heaven here on earth.
My comedy comes from pain. I can't stand to see someone hurting.
You're never going to see me playing a buffoon.
We're so politically correct; we take things so seriously.
My humor had changed from foolishness to making sense.
I've introduced myself with comedy, and once you've introduced yourself as something, that's where people keep you. That's where people like to hold you.
I hate to compare anything, especially while I'm promoting. I feel that's another disrespect, but 'Ocean's 13' is the best movie I've ever done in my life. No question.
I want to speak directly to the audience, to say, 'I'm like you - I'm frustrated, I'm not an expert, I don't have a manual on parenting, I make mistakes, I'm selfish too.'
I came up in the community center. I used to be physical director of the South Central Community Center in Chicago on 83rd. It's still there. It used to be around there when I was a kid.
Bernie Mac is talented!
I was a street performer for two years.
Bernie Mac is happy.
The one thing about comedy, making it become a part of you, the audience loves it, because you become part of them.
I think a lot of TV insults the audience.
