I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.
Sylvia Plath
There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.
And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.
If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed.
Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
Is there no way out of the mind?
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my eyes and all is born again.
Wear your heart on your skin in this life.
Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.
Dying is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call.
I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.
I am a victim of introspection.
How frail the human heart must be - a mirrored pool of thought.
I talk to God but the sky is empty.
But life is long. And it is the long run that balances the short flare of interest and passion.
The blood jet is poetry and there is no stopping it.
It is as if my life were magically run by two electric currents: joyous positive and despairing negative - whichever is running at the moment dominates my life, floods it.
What a man is is an arrow into the future, and what a woman is is the place the arrow shoots off from.
If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.
That is how it stiffens, my vision of that seaside childhood. My father died; we moved inland. Whereon those nine first years of my life sealed themselves off like a ship in a bottle - beautiful, inaccessible, obsolete: a fine, white, flying myth.
My childhood landscape was not land but the end of the land - the cold, salt, running hills of the Atlantic. I sometimes think my vision of the sea is the clearest thing I own.
I think that personal experience is very important, but certainly it shouldn't be a kind of shut-box and mirror-looking, narcissistic experience. I believe it should be relevant, and relevant to the larger things, the bigger things, such as Hiroshima and Dachau and so on.
Indecision and reveries are the anesthetics of constructive action.
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.
When you are insane, you are busy being insane - all the time.
I must discipline myself. I must be imaginative and create plots, knit motives, probe dialogue - rather than merely trying to record descriptions and sensations. The latter is pointless, without purpose, unless it is later to be synthesized into a story. The latter is also a rather pronounced symptom of an oversensitive and unproductive ego.
If I have not the power to put myself in the place of other people, but must be continually burrowing inward, I shall never be the magnanimous creative person I wish to be. Yet I am hypnotized by the workings of the individual, alone, and am continually using myself as a specimen.
The sea was our main entertainment. When company came, we set them before it on rugs, with thermoses and sandwiches and colored umbrellas, as if the water - blue, green, gray, navy or silver as it might be - were enough to watch.
How we need another soul to cling to.
Poetry, I feel, is a tyrannical discipline. You've got to go so far so fast in such a small space; you've got to burn away all the peripherals.
Perfection is terrible; it cannot have children.
One should be able to control and manipulate experiences with an informed and intelligent mind.
I saw the gooseflesh on my skin. I did not know what made it. I was not cold. Had a ghost passed over? No, it was the poetry.
Now and then, when I grow nostalgic about my ocean childhood - the wauling of gulls and the smell of salt, somebody solicitous will bundle me into a car and drive me to the nearest briny horizon.
I think my poems immediately come out of the sensuous and emotional experiences I have.
Freedom is not of use to those who do not know how to employ it.
I think the sea swallowed dozens of tea sets - tossed in abandon off liners or consigned to the tide by jilted brides. I collected a shiver of china bits, with borders of larkspur and birds or braids of daisies. No two patterns ever matched.
Since my woman's world is perceived greatly through the emotions and the senses, I treat it that way in my writing - and am often overweighted with heavy descriptive passages and a kaleidoscope of similes.
Mountains terrify me - they just sit about; they are so proud.
I don't believe that the meek will inherit the earth; The meek get ignored and trampled.
Apparently, the most difficult feat for a Cambridge male is to accept a woman not merely as feeling, not merely as thinking, but as managing a complex, vital interweaving of both.
In London the day after Christmas (Boxing Day), it began to snow: my first snow in England. For five years, I had been tactfully asking, 'Do you ever have snow at all?' as I steeled myself to the six months of wet, tepid gray that make up an English winter. 'Ooo, I do remember snow,' was the usual reply, 'when I were a lad.'
I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad.
What I want back is what I was.
Widow. The word consumes itself.
Nothing stinks like a pile of unpublished writing.
I am too pure for you or anyone.
I made a point of eating so fast I never kept the other people waiting who generally ordered only chef's salad and grapefruit juice because they were trying to reduce. Almost everybody I met in New York was trying to reduce.
Excellent teachers showered on to us like meteors: Biology teachers holding up human brains, English teachers inspiring us with a personal ideological fierceness about Tolstoy and Plato, Art teachers leading us through the slums of Boston, then back to the easel to hurl public school gouache with social awareness and fury.
Today is the first of August. It is hot, steamy and wet. It is raining. I am tempted to write a poem. But I remember what it said on one rejection slip: 'After a heavy rainfall, poems titled 'Rain' pour in from across the nation.'
