Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
Scott Adams
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
Every skill you acquire doubles your odds of success.
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
The world is like a reverse casino. In a casino, if you gamble long enough, you're certainly going to lose. But in the real world, where the only thing you're gambling is, say, your time or your embarrassment, then the more stuff you do, the more you give luck a chance to find you.
Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
The only risk of failure is promotion.
Happiness is nothing but good health and freedom, and money is the single best way you can buy your freedom.
Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
I get mail; therefore I am.
The best things in life are silly.
There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.
Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems.
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.
Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.
If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
If you see voters as rational, you'll be a terrible politician. People are not wired to be rational. Our brains simply evolved to keep us alive. Brains did not evolve to give us truth. Brains merely give us movies in our minds that keeps us sane and motivated. But none of it is rational or true, except maybe sometimes by coincidence.
Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
People vote based on emotion. Period.
One strategy for getting ahead is being incredibly good at a particular skill; you need to be world-class to stand out for that skill. In my case, I layered fairly average skills together until the combination became special.
Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.
When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable.
In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is forced out elsewhere, because the company can't use it. The company is organized to get rid of variants.
One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.
If you have a reasonable system for pursuing success, it can survive a lot of face-plants along the way. That knowledge makes success seem accessible. If you think successful people have some sort of superpower or special connections, why try?
I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.
There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.
If your goal is to lose 10 pounds, you may wake up each day with failure in mind because the goal is hard to reach, and you are progressing only by small amounts. It takes up all your willpower. I recommend that instead of a goal, you have a system.
Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.
Success is entirely accessible, even if you happen to be a huge screw-up 95 percent of the time.
I'm a poor artist. Through brute force, I brought myself up to mediocre. I've never taken a writing class, but I can write okay.
We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
My investments have been hurt.
If you drill down on any success story, you always discover that luck was a huge part of it. You can't control luck, but you can move from a game with bad odds to one with better odds. You can make it easier for luck to find you. The most useful thing you can do is stay in the game.
The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it.
