The transgender bathroom thing - it's just so obvious that people are scared of what they don't understand. It's like, 'I don't want to deal with the fact that some people might have been born in the wrong body.'
Nikki Glaser
Sarah Silverman. She's the reason I do comedy. Her DNC speech was my favorite thing I ever heard. Sitting down with her and laughing would be incredible.
People are just so insensitive because they're ignorant; they don't understand, so they're scared of what they're ignorant of.
My sister was very, very beautiful and I was very not. Doing comedy is the greatest thing ever because you don't have to do that, and I've since learned to let go of that.
I went and hung out at a foot fetish party, and I knew that was a very popular fetish to have, but I didn't realize how amazing it would be to have it.
There's actually a thing called Wikifeet that's the Wikipedia of celebrity girls' feet.
I wasn't a good-looking child. I got screwed out of the genetic deal. My sister looks like a model. I think that's why I'm a comic. I'm deeply insecure, since I was always feeling ugly. I wasn't a healthy child. I had poor self-esteem. That's why I need people's approval.
I just want to open people's eyes to different things.
As a female comic, if you talk about sex in any capacity, you will be branded a 'sex comic,' so I might as well go full force on it.
I always told my parents, 'Just give me till I'm 27 to do comedy, to make it'.
I think I deal with my anger toward my relationship or about my relationship or about my friendships or my family - I deal with it on stage in a passive-aggressive way, and that can be very harmful if it gets back to them, which it always does.
I remember the 'Jenny McCarthy Show' being kind of funny, and I remember her being just like one of the boys. I remember her being counter to everything I thought girls should be on TV, or whatever. I kind of liked her vibe.
I'm learning that if you put yourself out there and make fun of yourself first, it really does work. People can't really make fun of you.
A lot of being a woman in this business is about how you look... That's not why we're even in this business; that's not what people want from us. We're valuable because we're funny and because we have a voice and a point of view.
All my life - middle school, high school - I've always been worried what are people going to think.
I won't tackle something like furries, because there's nothing new to say. Also, I won't do anything that I think will put my life at risk.
Temping is the worst. I would rather starve and be homeless than nanny or temp again.
I don't know what that is because to me, Feb. 14 is Rob Thomas' birthday, and that's only what I acknowledge it as. I just like to celebrate that as Rob Thomas' birthday.
I love what I do, but living in one place for an entire year and not being on the road constantly was glorious. The road lifestyle is not ideal for a woman who's about to be thirty.
My boyfriend and I are not good at fighting. We're better than we were when we started dating - two breakups and three years ago - but it's never come naturally to either of us. I have often wished we fought like I imagine Pink and Carey Hart fight.
College is good discipline. That's what I learned there: pull an all-nighter, get it done, and get an A. I'm the biggest procrastinator, and I learned how to be an efficient procrastinator.
We just learned about this fetish where guys just give women money and know that they are spending their money. It's not like a sugar daddy thing. It's like financial domination, or something like that. These guys just want to give you money.
I don't feel the same pressure to be perfect up there that I did in the beginning.
A college degree was very important for them; it wasn't for me. So I picked English because I'm fluent. I thought it would be the easiest to do.
The best stuff - the most interesting stuff - usually happens when I allow myself to be in the moment and working from that space.
Everything I write in my show is a collaboration with a team.
Nothing really shocks me anymore.
My boyfriend and I have finally learned how to embrace confrontation as something that will only help us as a couple.
I would much rather be someone with high self-esteem and less funny.
I am a woman, so I never want to hide that or be like, 'I'm one of the boys,' because I'm not. I am aware of our audience. We always aim for the right combo of not hitting people over head but still getting our message across.
I started out splitting my time between the Kansas City and St. Louis comedy scenes, which both had bluer sensibilities than other cities that I've worked.
I was lucky enough to find stand-up really early in life. And I'm so grateful that I did, because the second I found it, I was like, 'I know what I want to do'.
I've been saying inappropriate things since I was a kid.
My standup is years and years of me working things out on the road. I'm really proud of it! A lot of it is about, well... I don't know why I feel this way, but I feel like every special or show I do is some variation on how I feel like I'm not a girl, not yet a woman.
Being pretty was always a very big thing growing up.
I'm in a relationship and have never been on Tinder as a single woman, but from what I have seen, I think it is always good to have a picture with an animal to show that you are kind.
All my relatives and friends have been pretty aware of my brand of humor for a while, so none of them have been shocked.
That's the compliment I get most often - 'You guys are so honest.'
I have always been scared of confrontation. My therapist says it stems from my fear of abandonment.
My logic used to be if I get angry at my boyfriend, he could say, 'Well, if that thing I do that I don't want to stop doing makes you mad, I don't need to be with you. Bye!' And then he'd leave me. Forever.
I just got a new dog, so I was worried that he'd hate the fireworks, and he did, but just because he's not a patriot, not because of the loud sounds. The loud sounds he's fine with - he just hates America.
Someone told me I looked like a young Tonya Harding recently, as if 'young' would soften the blow.
I think people are afraid of the concept of open relationships. Like, 'I will not accept this.' They don't have to! No one is telling them to. But it might work for other people.
As far as how I approach the humor, I think the best comedy is going to happen when I'm myself and act organically to a news item or situation.
Jimmy Fallon's strengths are that he's fun, and he's good at impressions, and he's musically inclined. And my strength is that I'm a joke writer, but I also have no filter, and I think that that's not a talent per se, but it's just a thing about myself that I have found that people like about what I do.
I just realized I have probably spent more time in a strip club than Rihanna has, and that is saying a lot because she goes a lot!
Up until recently, I've said, 'I don't notice the sexism in the industry.'
I like putting myself in uncomfortable situations.
I'm not a bleeding-heart feminist, but I do like to call out that stuff in my act. It's nice when you find a perspective that no one has hit on.
It strikes me as pretty interesting and cool how girls support each other in this business. I've never felt so much support in my life than from my fellow female comedians. I attribute much of my success to some of them.
