Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.
Kevin Nealon
I am whelmed, and not overly whelmed, just whelmed about a lot of facets in life - just how fragile life is and the different challenges you have in life, phobias about things.
I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper.
I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.
It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold!
I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.
Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.
When I first began doing TV pilots, my expectations were high. I didn't understand that world. So when 'Weeds' took off, I was so happy. Especially as I was just a guest star in the pilot. But once it got picked up, they made me a regular cast member.
When I would see my friends with their kids, I was envious that you can use children to get out of just about anything. If you don't feel like going to a dinner party, you could say, 'My kid's sick. I can't make it.' Who's gonna argue with you?
I loved working on 'Happy Gilmore' because I love to travel to new places and we got to go to British Columbia. Any Adam Sandler film is fun to work on because it is a reunion of the boys club of guys that have worked together in the past.
Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses.
The thing is when I started doing standup, you had to have a clean act because that's how you got on television. There weren't all these cable shows. Also, I didn't want to have that kind of act in case my family came to see me or my kid one day.
I think there's a part of me that might be my alter ago, like the carefree, do-what-he-wants kind of guy, because I've been so restrained most of my life, going to Catholic school and being the good son and the good husband. It's a fun escape route for me sometimes to lead that life.
Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.
I don't feel the pressure and stress of having to be a comic in a club every night. I accomplished a lot of things; I did lot of things, and I don't feel like I'm missing out when I am home with my son.
I'm a member of the Studio City Driving Range. They have a nice little par-3 AstroTurf course and driving range. You know, I don't belong to a course because I don't golf that much, so it's not worth it for me to join a club.
I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate.
I met Adam Sandler through 'Saturday Night Live,' and we became friends.
A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.
I was 5-foot-8 when I graduated high school, but then I shot up to 6-foot-4 and got more into playing basketball.
I was born in St. Louis; I lived there for three weeks and then my father graduated from St. Louis University, so we all got in the car and split. I don't really remember much. I grew up in Connecticut most of my life and then four years in Germany. My father worked for a helicopter company, so we went over there.
As you get older, subconsciously you start thinking about mortality and protecting your offspring. It opens up a whole new avenue of life experiences.
My adrenaline is definitely going, but it's mostly my real, laid-back persona carrying over on stage. When I first started, I was nervous, I'd be really high energy, and I'd be sweating. Now it's just my job. It's like a machinist who goes to work every day and uses the same drill bits. He's not worried about taking his finger off.
I think people really appreciate clever commercials, as do I. I think they're very entertaining. You just have to wade through all the garbage. That's one of the reasons people watch the Super Bowl. A lot of them watch it to see the commercials and not the actual game.
You don't want to throw out a good idea and have nobody get excited about it. It takes the wind out of your sails.
I worked for a temp agency called Manpower.
I like YouTube; it's really entertaining. A lot of it is crappy stuff, but there are a couple diamonds in the rough there.
When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley Myron Handelman and people like that. And then, for every comic, you develop your own style after a while.
I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version.
If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said.
To this day, I haven't felt like I've made it. I'm waiting for them to pull the rug out from under me. I kind of feel like George Plimpton; I'm just experiencing this whole business with the really talented people.
All I ever wanted to do was stand-up. It kind of charges me and gives me a rush.
Every time I think of Doug Wilson, I think 'pathetic.' When it comes between something for himself or something for righteousness, he'll choose himself.
When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from 'Saturday Night Live.'
If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.
Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled.
The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining.
A whole generation of people that didn't know me from 'SNL' recognize me from 'Weeds' now. People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!'
I look back at 'Saturday Night Live' and I think, some people didn't like me doing 'Weekend Update.' Who cares? A lot of people did. When you're reaching that many people, you're not going to have everybody like you.
As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit.
I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.
I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, 'Aliens in the Attic,' because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time.
When you discover that you are going to have a child, it stirs up memories of your own childhood.
What happened was, I always wanted to be a singer/songwriter kind of guy like a James Taylor or Crosby, Stills and Nash type of thing; I went to a lot of coffee houses and used to watch all those guys, but I never had the nerve to get up and do it because singing seems so personal and intimate to me. It was too revealing.
I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor.
I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them.
When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together.
A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material.
I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn't see that as a job description anywhere.
I see the love in my child's eyes when he sees me, and I know it's gigantic. As an older person, I've been in love before, and I've loved, but this is really an immense, out-of-control-proportion amount of love that you can't even describe.
