I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.
Karl Pilkington
A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect.
If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.
It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.
It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.
People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door.
Chinese people age overnight.
I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin.
They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?
That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.
If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this - two books, some television and everything - I'd panic, I'd be scared.
Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.
Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.
Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on?
If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error.
I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.
I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.
With acting, I didn't get much from it.
But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot.
I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt.
And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.
I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.
With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads?
I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.
Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.'
To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after.
I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expectations. It's better to go somewhere thinking it'll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised.
When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in.
I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great.
People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don't know if that's true, if that's some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this.
To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it?
I've got loads of nieces and nephews.
I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about.
I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage.
At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.
People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.
I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.
People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!
Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.
We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.'
Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.
You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.
You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go.
It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.
I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester.
I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling.
I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.
I've never worried about life's big questions.
I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed.
I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really.
