I have never bought into this view that some people have that the job of the comedian is to espouse opinions and change the world - I think the job of a comedian is to be funny.
Josh Widdicombe
Having an awful landlord can be a good thing, it can bring you together as a household.
Nothing unites a group more than a common enemy, be it the Soviet Union or Nasty Nick from 'Big Brother.'
I shrunk my favourite jeans in my first week of university. I'd never done a wash before.
I've got no pretence that I want to do 'Hamlet' or anything, I know my limitations.
I was once doing a gig with Tim Vine; he was backstage, and there was one of those long strings of polystyrene coffee cups. He picked up the whole stack of about 20, walked on stage and then said: 'Bloody hell this coffee's hot!' which I think is the funniest thing anyone has ever said.
I really struggled with doing nine-to-five and just wanted to do something where it felt like I was in charge and I was doing something creative. I imagine if the first gig had gone badly I'd never have done it again. I imagine there's hundreds of people who could have been really great comedians and just had a bad first gig.
I met Rachel Riley from 'Countdown' once.
When I first went to university, I did a big shop with my dad. We bought loads of stuff but it didn't occur to me that I needed to refrigerate it, so I just put it in my room. I remember thinking, 'What's that smell coming from under the bed?' It was a bag of potatoes. How long does it take for a potato to rot? Months!
I see myself primarily as a comedian, and my aim on the 'Last Leg' is to be as funny as I can about the news.
The weird thing is I have now met quite a lot of people who are really famous but they are always disappointingly normal and nice. Alan Carr is very nice indeed. Exactly how you would expect him to be, and not that different from how he is on stage.
Never have I got on better with my flatmates than when our landlord installed a dodgy deadlock and locked us out of our flat for a full Friday evening.
There are lots of comic bosses and fathers in sitcoms, but the comic landlord remains rare.
I find writing is the most fun I have in comedy.
Sitcom writing is difficult because it's not just about writing jokes - there's a very fine balance between characters, plot, and comedy, that if you get one thing wrong, the whole castle comes falling down.
Woody Allen's 'The Complete Prose' - It's just the best selection of comic writing by one author. You know it's good comedy when you get quite demoralised about yourself.
Pointless' - I think it's probably the greatest daytime TV show that has ever existed.
Comedy has got me all these opportunities and I enjoy doing a variety of things. I can't really believe I've got the chance to have my own radio show.
I realise that I'm a bit of a dabbler but it's nice to do stuff that's different.
I enjoy laughing at other people being funny.
I don't think you can only have people with disability talking about the Paralympics. Clare Balding didn't need to be disabled to cover it.
I love my wife and daughters, but there are times you want to put them in the bin.
The owner of one club once interrupted my set to inform me that my taxi had arrived. I don't think he meant it to sound as cutting as it did.
I never finished looking at Twitter happier than when I've started looking at Twitter. And it's not because of abuse or anything. Even just refreshing what people are saying about you, I don't think is a healthy way to kind of perceive yourself.
If one of my friends said they'd written a little role for me in a sitcom, I'd definitely do it and I'd enjoy it. But I have no interest in being a serious actor.
There's enough really good actors out of work without me trying to steal any of it.
I'm one of life's pessimists. I'm ready for everything to go wrong at any moment.
As students, we completely failed with the washing up. You'd constantly have to eat out of the wrong receptacle. You'd end up with a cup of cornflakes or a plate of tea.
I'll never have a house party again. You stand around for ages worried that nobody's coming and the next minute you're queuing for your own toilet while someone you've never met is asking you if you know whose party this is.
Successful comedians are just as neurotic as I am.
The thing about stand-up is that you end up meeting your idols.
I loved 1990s television: 'The Fast Show,' 'Father Ted,' 'Harry Enfield.' 'Clive Anderson Talks Back.'
My favourite was 'Fantasy Football League.' I thought it would be the most exciting thing ever to be friends with Frank Skinner and David Baddiel.
I'm lucky that I don't have any big regrets. Maybe that undercut hairstyle from my youth.
I'd redo the 90s as they were a lot of fun.
I don't get hangovers - it's some kind of superhuman ability.
I don't get starstruck by Hollywood celebrities as I'm not into films.
I don't like thinking too much about the future - it freaks me out.
Always thinking that you're not very good is far better than being cocky.
I never feel like I should have any time free.
When I was a kid I didn't watch TV that was targeted specifically at me. I watched 'The Day Today,' 'Shooting Stars,' 'Father Ted.'
I really didn't think anything would come out of doing stand-up.
I enjoy writing but I wouldn't want to do it all the time because generally you are not writing about things you want to write about.
I get annoyed a lot with things.
Looking back at that now I shudder at my naivety: while 'Men Behaving Badly' remains a brilliant sitcom, how did I ever aspire to Gary and Tony's eternal adolescence?
Everyone likes doing impressions of me. I'm easy.
Can I do an impression of me? I don't think I can. It would be the most self-confronting thing you could ever do.
The way people do an impression of me is they use the phrase, 'Who are these people who do this... ?' Then they do some not-quite-good-enough observational humour, which is the most offensive thing.
Write about what you know, that's what I say.
Even in something surreal like 'Father Ted,' everything has to logically follow, everything has to lead one to another. The moment the logic of a situation doesn't work then you might as well not bother because people have signed out.
