I'm not usually vain about my body. It's like Pennsylvania: The same way the Keystone State comprises Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with not much in between, I've got good legs and shapely eyebrows, and it's kind of a wasteland outside of that.

Josh Gondelman

When you're confined to a hospital bed, there aren't many appointments you can make. You await visits from friends and family members. You enjoy the coconut ice cream they smuggle in. You tolerate the erratic and invasive visits of doctors and nurses, hoping that one of them will bring you closer to going home.

Josh Gondelman

Although my grandmother was a strict parent and abided my grandfather's kosher diet, as a Nana, she had grown away from religion and was almost unbelievably permissive.

Josh Gondelman

'The Rap Year Book' is really great. Shea Serrano wrote it, and it became this huge phenomenon where he sold out everywhere and made the bestseller list just on the strength of his fans on Twitter wanting him to succeed.

Josh Gondelman

Even under the best circumstances, speaking at your own wedding ceremony is a high pressure endeavor. What even constitutes a vow? I always picture them as exclamations you bellow at the sky.

Josh Gondelman

I drink iced coffee nearly every morning and many afternoons year-round.

Josh Gondelman

I like comedy that's very specific and isn't afraid to lose people through its specificity.

Josh Gondelman

A vest is just a totem reminding you that some people dress well, and you can be one of those people.

Josh Gondelman

It would not occur to me to write a joke like, 'This would be great if I was more like Andrew Dice Clay.' It's not the voice I write in - which is largely an extension of the voice in my head that I think in.

Josh Gondelman

Given that I often wear shorts with a T-shirt, baseball cap, and backpack most days, a crew-neck shirt gives me the appearance of an undercover cop on the way to a sting operation at a summer camp.

Josh Gondelman

My mom worked as an education director.

Josh Gondelman

I value niceness. But now, as a grown person, I value goodness above that. Because niceness doesn't change anything, and goodness changes things.

Josh Gondelman

I grew up in Stoneham, a little suburb of Boston. It's pronounced 'Stone 'em' because Massachusetts doesn't bend to the will of 'how letters are supposed to be said.'

Josh Gondelman

I'm skinny, but a soft skinny. I have strong legs, but my arms are like pea pods with single peas for elbows.

Josh Gondelman

The modern ease of catfishing has had the tangential effect of growing a cottage industry of websites offering the services of fake Internet girlfriends.

Josh Gondelman

There are very funny people who aren't good at Twitter and people who are really good on Twitter where that's the best or the only thing they do. There are some people I know that don't write creatively outside of Twitter, but they're so good at Twitter.

Josh Gondelman

I tweeted that Tom Brady's politics are 'garbage,' which may have been hyperbolic.

Josh Gondelman

I'm not usually vain about my body. It's like Pennsylvania: The same way the Keystone State comprises Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with not much in between, I've got good legs and shapely eyebrows, and it's kind of a wasteland outside of that.

Josh Gondelman

Ludacris albums are all over the map in terms of overall quality, but as a rapper, he tops out as a hilarious, charismatic guy with a singular voice.

Josh Gondelman

Big romantic gestures are only as strong as the relationships they happen in.

Josh Gondelman

I broke my wrist at summer camp playing a game called 'volleybat,' which was baseball but with a volleyball. It is as dangerous as it sounds.

Josh Gondelman