All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh.
Joel McHale
In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!
I operate off of fear almost exclusively.
Follow what your head is telling you and work hard. That's the big secret.
If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.
The #MeToo movement is insanely serious, and there's no comedy to be mined out of that.
Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.
I always excelled in sports, so I knew I had advantages there. That really gave me, like, confidence and self-esteem.
E! always wanted me to keep it to entertainment news or entertainment and no sports or anything like that, and don't get too weird.
My children do not know what it's like to flip around channels. They either go to Netflix, Apple TV, or they pull up YouTube, and they can watch their shows.
'Big Brother,' I can't believe people watch. It's just people whispering to each other for hours and then some silly challenge like, who can pull the most stones out of a stuffed alligator, with some product tie-in.
It's an awesome thing to be flung out onto the stage twice a weekend in front of 250 people, and you have to make it up as you go along.
Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.
The editors and the creators of 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette,' they are so good at casting and at finding these young, beautiful lunatics to go on the show.
'Maury' and 'Jerry Springer' get so theatrical that it's hard to believe.
I like 'American Idol' because it's an actual talent contest.
Now I tell my mom, I go, 'Mom, you know when I was a kid and you told me to turn off the television and go outside and play?' I'd be like, 'You literally were hurting my career when you did that. You literally stopped me from doing now, what I do for a living.'
Netflix is just wonderful.
When I started 'The Soup' back in 2004, I was so anxious because I can't really read, and I had to read teleprompter.
On 'The Soup,' we were never a political show.
I like anything with Zak Bagans and ghost hunters.
I couldn't read the way that other students read, so I would just cheat, which, in my silly brain, I was like, 'This is a skill that I'm developing - how to just get around everything!'
I love making fun of YouTubers.
When you are an actor or trying to be a working actor in L.A., most people have commercial agents, and then they have legitimate agents, and you just end up going on a thousand auditions.
There are always ridiculous things on television or on the Internet that make people go, 'Did you see that?' That could be anything from a clip from the 'Real Housewives' to someone jumping off their roof and missing the pool to a zillion other things.
My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.
It's important to have the right agent - people that are working hard for you. But an actor needs to be in control of their career no matter how good the representation is.
You have to have talent. You have to get the audition and then you have to nail the audition.
Once you've been booked, people in Hollywood say, 'Oh he must be good.' All the while you're the same actor.
I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.
E! didn't like it when we'd make fun of clips from ESPN - they'd be like, 'That's sports! That's not our audience!'
I knew I was good at sports, and I knew I loved acting and performing, so I really dove into that, and school always became secondary.
I don't feel any pressure to joke about #MeToo - in fact, I'd say you shouldn't, because it's a great movement that is exposing some really awful behavior and hopefully changing the culture.
When E! ended the show, it wasn't because it was low-rated. It was because E! did not want to pay union rerun dues.
With 'The Soup,' obviously it has to be totally scripted out, and then, within that, I improvise punchlines and sometimes setups if I can't read the teleprompter properly.
Acting is what I'd always wanted to do; hosting 'The Soup' was more because of Greg Kinnear.
