Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.
H. L. Mencken
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven.
Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.
There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.
God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.
An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one.
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause.
If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
Most people want security in this world, not liberty.
The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety.
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
Honor is simply the morality of superior men.
Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice.
Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.
Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
We must be willing to pay a price for freedom.
The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
