I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
George Bernard Shaw
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
You see things; and you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?'
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
Youth is wasted on the young.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul.
We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.
Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable.
Science never solves a problem without creating ten more.
Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
You cannot be a hero without being a coward.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, make them.
If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.
There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.
Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.
The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity.
Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power.
He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.
If all the economists were laid end to end, they'd never reach a conclusion.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.
England and America are two countries separated by the same language.
Kings are not born: they are made by artificial hallucination.
All great truths begin as blasphemies.
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
I enjoy convalescence. It is the part that makes the illness worth while.
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.
It is the mark of a truly intelligent person to be moved by statistics.
