There will always be ladies who lunch. Always. And apparently they live a long time.
Elaine Stritch
I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy.
I think being boring is just the worst sin of all time.
All of the writing on '30 Rock' is a joy to go into. It's pretty hot stuff.
Betty White is probably a very nice woman.
I have not had any of that surgical stuff. I am too curious to find out exactly how I progress every day of my life naturally. That is what fascinates me.
I smoked, I drank, I did all the kicking my heels up type things, but I went to Mass on Sunday.
Certain type of actresses get younger instead of older. I always say, 'Only ingenues age.'
For me, going to London is like coming home. In fact, I've often entertained the idea of ending my days there.
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease.
All you have to do is say, 'I'm going home,' and you're the most popular girl at the party.
My idea of serenity - that wonderful word that everybody's trying to get into their life - is call-waiting.
I could have made a lot of money doing 'Golden Girls,' and I would have been good. But the image of it! And for me to work with Betty White every day would be like taking cyanide.
Honestly, this is a big thing to say, but I don't think I've ever been bored. If I even get an inkling of it, I split.
My biggest dream was to get out of Michigan - to discover life beyond the Sacred Heart Convent.
I think taking care of yourself, health-wise, in every way, is a 100 percent winner.
I love Birmingham, Michigan. It's lovely - you know, it's very similar to the Hamptons.
I think the most interesting New Yorkers are the people who were not born here.
You can't be funny unless you're tragic, and you can't be tragic unless you're funny.
When I want to do something badly enough, I do it, but there is a practical side of me that thinks I should be paid fairly.
This age thing is all up to you. It's like happiness is up to you. You just have to understand what it is before you get it.
These performers that go on about their technique and craft - oh, puleeze! How boring! I don't know what 'technique' means. But I do know what experience is.
I mention I'm going home, and I'm a star immediately! This used to happen with my boyfriends - as soon as I'd say, 'I gotta go home now,' they fell in love.
Let me tell you about those convents. All that crap about extending the pinkie finger while sipping tea is a myth. Convent schools are breeding grounds for great broads and occasionally one-of-the-boys. Convent schools teach you to play against everything, which is what I'm still doing.
Isn't this fantastic, what a star I am?
Audiences are not strangers to me. They're the best friends I've got in my life.
As a diabetic, I'm a walking picnic. I have to eat measured amounts of food at certain times.
I like celebrities. I love people who are famous. Always have.
I love audiences. My God, the best friends in the world!
There's something about it that makes sense, Lent. You give something up, and everything's more joyful.
When the hospital sends for me, when the ambulance comes and I ease my way out of the world, I'd rather be in Detroit, Michigan, than Lenox Hill.
I like being talked about. I think some people really don't... because they're secure enough and they don't need that.
New Yorkers stop me on the street all the time to say, 'You're terrific! You're the nuts!'
The closer a part is to you, the harder it is to play. Anything else is just imitation. If I'm playing a Russian countess, I get the hat, the accent, the outrageousness. Easy. Playing a murderess? Perfect.
You cannot tell an audience a lie. They know it before you do; before it's out of your mouth, they know it's a lie.
I do believe in the infallibility of the Pope, because I think we have to believe in something.
I love reviews. Anybody who tells you they don't read reviews is a liar.
I think I have more humour in me than anger. But those two things are great bed-fellows, performance-wise.
I find it easier to abstain than do a little bit of anything. I'm not a 'little bit' kind of dame. I want it all, whatever I do.
I don't think I'm gonna die tomorrow or even two weeks from now, or even ever. I just don't know - who the hell knows what's gonna happen to them? Nobody! Isn't that comforting? Nobody has a clue. I like that we don't know. And I like that it's somebody else's decision, not mine.
I just serve others through entertaining. That's when I am happy.
I tell the truth, and it has gotten me into a lot of trouble. My dad used to say to me, 'If you tell the truth all day long, you will end up in jail.'
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
I'm funny when I want to be. And I'm even funny when I don't want to be.
I'm a hotel baby, absolutely: it's hard to think of a hotel I haven't stayed in.
I am not influenced by other human beings. But I am inspired.
If I see a great performance on television, onstage, in the movies, I go to work the next day with a renewed energy and less fear. These great artists take me out of my life and make me want to go there.
There's something that really frightens me - and that's fear.
I think it's the wrong way around to say, 'When you get older move to the country.' I think when you get older you move to New York.
I care about money, very much. I want it. I don't ever want to be without it. My mother once said about me, 'Elaine has to have money.'
