When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
Don Marquis
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun.
Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness.
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
A hypocrite is a person who - but who isn't?
Writing a book of poetry is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.
Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates.
Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
Successful people are the ones who think up things for the rest of the world to keep busy at.
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.
I would rather start a family than finish one.
If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.
There is nothing so habit-forming as money.
It takes all sorts of people to make the underworld.
We pay for the mistakes of our ancestors, and it seems only fair that they should leave us the money to pay with.
In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person. Yes, it is women who keep the church going.
I have often noticed that ancestors never boast of the descendants who boast of ancestors. I would rather start a family than finish one. Blood will tell, but often it tells too much.
Blood will tell, but often it tells too much.
Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control.
The trouble with the public is that there is too much of it; what we need in public is less quantity and more quality.
A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
Fate often puts all the material for happiness and prosperity into a man's hands just to see how miserable he can make himself with them.
Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.
Poetry is what Milton saw when he went blind.
Did you ever notice that when a politician does get an idea he usually gets it all wrong.
There is luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel no one else has a right to blame us.
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
A demagogue is a person with whom we disagree as to which gang should mismanage the country.
Bores bore each other too; but it never seems to teach them anything.
Of middle age the best that can be said is that a middle-aged person has likely learned how to have a little fun in spite of his troubles.
Man cannot be uplifted; he must be seduced into virtue.
In order to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that child's parent or grandparent.
Some persons are likeable in spite of their unswerving integrity.
One of the most important things to remember about infant care is: don't change diapers in midstream.
The art of newspaper paragraphing is to stroke a platitude until it purrs like an epigram.
