It's not hard to lose weight.

Some people want to live in a world much prettier than the one I depict. But it exists, and I talk about it because it exists.

People live in a place called Tornado Alley - and they're surprised when they get hit by a tornado. I'm sorry when they get hit by tornadoes, but when you live in Tornado Alley you can't really claim surprise.

Here's what I know about the business I am in. It's all based on money. It's all based on ratings.

If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects, poor, I assumed that everybody understood that it came with its own reasons for being the way I am. I didn't get that people needed to understand where my comedy came from; I thought that they knew that.

Guys like Rogan literally want to ruin my career. That's unbelievably cruel and hurtful, and I never want to be that guy.

I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh.

I worked as a comedian for 23 years, 51 weeks a year.

I know I'm funny.

At the end of the day, my career is not going to be judged by one or two or three moments in time. It'll be judged by the longevity of it.

When I was younger, I was angry. I was boisterous and loud. I was on top of the mountain, screaming at everybody, 'Look at me!' Now I'm more of a Taoist.

I'm just trying to be funny, trying to make people laugh, and trying to make the world a better place through some jokes. I don't have words for it. It's so overwhelming.

When the comedy community turned on me, I had a lot of reflecting to do.

I'm a spiritual person: I believe that if you read the Bible, you get what you want from it. But, when you actually read it, you see the beauty, spirituality, the joy and love, and what makes us godly.

On stage, I'm really, really tall. I'm five-foot-9, but on stage, I'm, like, six-foot-5.

I am frail like everyone else, and I take that into account when I talk about things.

We don't grow as human beings from good things happening. We grow from failures.

If you don't like your job, then change it by getting some better skills. Until then, shut up and get my burger with a smile, like in the commercials.

I get really nervous at auditions. I know how to make people laugh, but auditions just really make me nervous.

I don't want to go on stage with anger. And that's why I worked so hard to look within and change myself and evolve.

My favorite place is Maui. It's almost perfect there - the people, the weather, just everything. No matter how busy you are, when you get to Maui, you chill and relax.

The word 'epiphany' gets thrown around, but truly, the first time I stepped on stage, I had that moment of clarity. I realized God gave me a gift, and this gift is to make people laugh, and this gift should not be wasted on trying to configure some electrical components.

I've dated many women at the same time. But I told them. I didn't keep any secrets from them.

In this pessimistic world, especially in America, a positive outlook is very necessary.

When I tell a joke, I immediately know whether it's funny or not.

For me, it's always better to tell people the truth, because people can accept the truth.

I believe that my part to play in this world is stand-up.

I had one guy say, 'I watched your show and didn't agree with what you said.' And I'm like, 'It's a joke. How could you not agree? I can understand you saying it's not funny.' But it's like my going onstage and doing a knock-knock and somebody going, 'I disagree. There's no door here.'

I am a sponge. I don't write things down.

If the worst thing happening to Middle Eastern people is that Carlos Mencia is doing a joke about them being stopped at airports, that's a pretty awesome state of affairs.

I could always talk about being a Latino and having a Mexican mom and a Honduran dad and being from Honduras. That was always an easy go-to place. But on the other hand, it was a crutch.