My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it.
Boris Johnson
Ping-pong was invented on the dining tables of England in the 19th century, and it was called Wiff-waff! And there, I think, you have the difference between us and the rest of the world. Other nations, the French, looked at a dining table and saw an opportunity to have dinner; we looked at it an saw an opportunity to play Wiff-waff.
My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.
It is easy to make promises - it is hard work to keep them.
My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters.
There is absolutely no one, apart from yourself, who can prevent you, in the middle of the night, from sneaking down to tidy up the edges of that hunk of cheese at the back of the fridge.
My speaking style was criticised by no less an authority than Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was a low moment, my friends, to have my rhetorical skills denounced by a monosyllabic Austrian cyborg.
Never in my life did I think I would be congratulated by Mick Jagger for achieving anything.
I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis.
I've got more in common with a three-toed sloth than I have with Winston Churchill. There is no easy comparison with any modern politician. The more you read about him, the more completely amazed you are about what he did - his energy, his literary fecundity, his ability to work - just unbelievable energy.
I lead a life of blameless domesticity and always have done.
I love tennis with a passion. I challenged Boris Becker to a match once and he said he was up for it but he never called back. I bet I could make him run around.
One thing you have got to do politically is to identify the ties that bind society together and try to strengthen them.
I have more in common with a three-toed sloth or a one-eyed pterodactyl or a Kalamata olive than I have with Winston Churchill.
The Lib Dems are not just empty. They are a void within a vacuum surrounded by a vast inanition.
We cannot turn our backs on Europe. We are part of Europe.
I am supporting David Cameron purely out of cynical self-interest.
The euro has become a means by which superior German productivity is able to gain an absolutely unbeatable advantage over the whole eurozone territory.
I have not been more robust towards female rather than male assembly members and I do not believe I have been remotely sexist.
Sometimes I can think of so many ways of expressing myself that I feel I'm an old typewriter, and too many keys come forward at once - and I get jammed.
If we judged everybody by the stupid, unguarded things they blurt out to their nearest and dearest, then we wouldn't ever get anywhere.
Some people play the piano, some do Sudoku, some watch television, some people go out to dinner parties. I write books.
I've always sort of thought that politics was a high and noble calling and a good thing to do.
The Italians, who used to be a great motor-manufacturing power, have been absolutely destroyed by the euro - as was intended by the Germans.
If we get outside the EU, if we leave the EU system, we will be relieved of a huge amount of unnecessary regulation that is holding this country back. We will be able to set our own priorities, make our own laws and set our own tax policies to suit the needs of this country. We have a huge opportunity also to make people's votes count for more.
The dreadful truth is that when people come to see their MP they have run out of better ideas.
I'm made up of immigrant stock. I went to a primary school in London. I grew up eating Spangles, why shouldn't I be as well placed to speak for Londoners as anyone else?
I suppose with houses and assets, then I guess I would be a millionaire. But so are a lot of people.
I used to get very, very frustrated by people being told what to do by nanny in Brussels. And I remember once I rang the official who was actually responsible for banning the prawn-cocktail-flavoured crisp, which I think contained a dye called Arithrazine or something like that.
But if people want to swim in the Thames, if they want to take their lives into their own hands, then they should be able to do so with all the freedom and exhilaration of our woad-painted ancestors.
If we vote to Leave and take back control, all sorts of opportunities open up. Including doing new free trade deals around the world, restoring Britain's seat on all sorts of international bodies, restoring health to our democracy and belief to our democracy.
The truth is that the history of the last couple of thousand years has been broadly repeated attempts by various people or institutions - in a Freudian way - to rediscover the lost childhood of Europe, this golden age of peace and prosperity under the Romans, by trying to unify it.
It is possible to have a pretty good life and career being a leech and a parasite in the media world, gadding about from TV studio to TV studio, writing inconsequential pieces and having a good time.
It would be a sad day if we British stopped being cynical, but you sometimes wonder whether we overdo it.
That is the best case for Bush; that, among other things, he liberated Iraq. It is good enough for me.
There's an idea that London is a planet on its own: that it's starting to diverge from the rest of the solar system. We need to combat that.
We were told by President Obama that in respect of international trade, we would have to get to the back of the queue - not a position that America normally requires the United Kingdom to be in when it comes to other matters, such as the Iraq War.
I'm not one of those people who believes in going endlessly around finger wagging and ticking people off for occasional colourful use of language.
I'd like thousands of schools as good as the one I went to, Eton.
Most people would accept that people come to London from across the world, from all kinds of backgrounds, and are accepted here irrespective of their origins.
When lorry drivers come up behind me and I'm cycling, innocently keeping to my side of the road, and they decide because they are so big, and their lorry is so powerful, and they just want to clear me out of the road, and they hoot aggressively, then I do see red a bit. I do.
I promised to run the most open and transparent administration in Britain. That is why, with this brutally honest and unprecedented progress report, I am determined to level with Londoners.
I always believe writing is an indispensable part of one's political armoury.
I think people have a legitimate right to minimise their tax obligations if they can, but they should pay their fair whack. I do think it's important to be transparent.
The beauty and riddle in studying the motives of any politician is in trying to decide what is idealism and what is self-interest, and often we are left to conclude that the answer is a mixture of the two.
So I'm definitely in favour of stimulating the dynamic wealth creation sectors of the economy.
If I'd been on the Remain side I would have tried to have seen the best in Europe and tried to explain that. Instead, what they've done is endlessly try and talk up what they see as the weaknesses of Britain and they aren't there. That's a total mistake.
I want to win and I want to be in office.
It is possible to have a pretty good life and career being a leech and a parasite in the media world, gadding about from TV studio to TV studio, writing inconsequential pieces and having a good time. But in the end you have a great sense of personal dissatisfaction.
If you turn a blind eye to fare evasion, if you accustom people to getting away with minor crime, you are making it more likely that they will go on to commit more serious crimes. That is why we have so much disorder in London. It is a disgrace.
