I didn't think I had time for fishing before I fished.
Bob Mortimer
I've been brewing my own beer with this ex-army bloke.
I wouldn't wish it on people but there is a positive side to a near-death experience. People used to ask me do you fancy doing this or that - and it was like I had a file of reasons in my head for not doing things. I would riffle through it until I found one. But I've dropped that.
I have always been a bit of a recluse, but I really was after the heart thing. And everyone knew.
I hardly do any exercise because of my arthritis and my joints.
You see idiots on the net but on TV you can't really find them.
I go on 'Sunday Brunch' and Simon Rimmer's mashed potato is like heaven.
I was the youngest of four boys, raised in North Yorkshire.
I don't believe in credit or loans.
The best part of our lives is just every day when we are writing.
I worked in a chicken factory, in a steel foundry, I worked on the bins for a year or so. It started as a summer job, but I stayed on because I liked it very much. I liked it that it made you very fit, doing all the lifting and that, so I could wear short-sleeved t-shirts, which I'd never been able to do before!
Laughter is the only currency I've really ever known. Ever since I was a boy.
There are a lot of famous people who started out with us and became stars and I wouldn't swap my life with theirs for one second.
The wife and the kids provide my exercise, but I have to be careful because I have rheumatoid arthritis all over my body.
At one point I was putting 17 sugars in my tea. I know it's unbelievable and I do wonder sometimes what my mum was thinking to allow it. The weirdest thing was that if I had 18 teaspoons it was too sweet.
When they told me I had to have a heart operation, my main memory is standing in my kitchen and thinking what I would really miss was my little tea towel. Not for one minute did I think, 'Oh, I'm going to really miss performing.' The things you're going to miss are your wife, your egg cup, your seat that you sit in to watch TV.
After your heart fails, you just feel really vulnerable for a while. You just want telly and your little house. Then, suddenly, three, four months have passed.
I played for Middlesbrough's youth team. At the age of 16, I went into a shed at the training ground and was told that they weren't signing me on, so that was the end of that dream. Football was my life. I played football when I got to school, football every break and football as soon as I got home.
My shyness probably defined the first 30 years of my life, really. It's a crippling thing. It can be very lonely knowing that you've got things to say, but you daren't say them.
I hate dinner parties, you know, can't stand them. Friends don't bother inviting me any more, because they know I won't come. I could never think of anything to say between courses - it's a confidence thing, I suppose.
I'd always wanted to do something about football, so I did the podcast.
It can be very lonely knowing that you have things to say but you daren't say them. Knowing that you could contribute to something but you don't dare quite do it.
I was just a toddler when my dad died in a car crash. With my mum, Eunice, being a young widow with a large family, she really struggled money-wise.
I thought I had a chest infection and went to the doctor - five days later I was under the knife. It came completely out of the blue. My arteries were 95% blocked.
I can't remember ever cooking food to impress a woman. The idea's quite cheesy and sort of makes my skin crawl. But I sometimes make a special effort to impress my cats, with chicken liver or something. It's tricky to know if a cat's impressed. They might give me a little look, a glimpse at least. That's cat ownership for you.
House of Fools,' that was the first thing I was sad that we couldn't do any more.
We miss 'House of Fools' a lot. It felt a bit like a different and fresh show for British TV.
I was a solicitor once, so I'm truly grateful because I know what it's like to have a proper job.
The more cynical commentators on our careers would say that the northern accent has been the basis of our success. There's a certain authenticity to the voice - which isn't to my credit; I was just born there.
I don't fish but had always wanted to after doing it as a kid.
I had three bypasses in one go, using arteries harvested from my leg and the right side of my chest.
I don't think 'Shooting Stars' has ever successfully been replaced.
In broadcasting, there's a lot of longevity offered to people like Griff Rhys Jones and Stephen Fry, who are polymaths more than comics. We're comics first and foremost.
Comedy, if it didn't save my life, certainly gave me a very different life.
I look at stuff like the 'The Whole 19 Yards' and it reminds me of my childhood watching shows with Mike Reid and kids climbing over obstacles.
You know the thing I liked about fishing when I was 14 was being out with your mates mucking about, throwing bread around, getting a bit wet maybe.
I want people to watch us and think, 'They're idiots. They're clowns,' I want them to watch us and think Tommy Cooper or Spike Milligan.
After heart surgery you can go two ways, you can kind of get scared, shrink on to your sofa and keep yourself safe, or you can engage with life again. I probably was in danger of taking the first option.
Our comedy is just falling over, funny faces, arguments, all the comedy basics, really.
Catterick' was originally a movie. That was what we intended for it and we had the money for it and everything. But we couldn't be bothered - I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. At a later stage we went back, split it up and made it into the TV series. But, yeah that was supposed to be a movie and we just didn't bother.
I used to like getting cups and putting tiny bits of food and liquids in them. I'd grow mould plumes in the dark wardrobe of my little back bedroom. Not to eat them, mind - just to admire the growing power.
It's like cooks don't watch cooking programmes - I suppose maybe comedians don't watch comedy shows.
Other people just look so comfortable with a book in their hands - I never feel like that.
I'm not a fan of stand-up comedy, personally. But some of them are incredibly skilled.
I saw Alan Davies on a show from the London Palladium and he did a nice routine about having kids or whatever. I couldn't do that.
After my triple bypass I got my sheet of healthy and unhealthy foods and I was like, croissants!?! Literally as bad as lard.
Throughout my entire three years at Sussex I never spoke to another law student. I talked in tutorials but as soon as they finished I was away back to my room to listen to my records.
I eat a tin of sardines every day.
They asked me to go on 'Hell's Kitchen' but I'm banned from reality TV by my wife. She's not up for that kind of tomfoolery.
I like having something I can watch every single night. It suits my habits.
