I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.
Amy Schumer
Being introverted, it doesn't mean necessarily being shy or being afraid of public speaking; it just means that it's hard for me to interact with people for too long.
I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
I've always had my wrist slapped for being myself.
The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
Happiness can't start with external stuff, whether that's money or success or your body.
I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be.
What's good about not being a model is that it's not the thing I trade on. Once I start looking older, that won't affect me. I have never gotten anything done because I'm, like, so gorgeous. I'm good-looking enough that I can work in the business.
I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
Some men's magazines are just downright offensive.
I love standing at a microphone and making a room of people laugh. That's the part of the work I love; everything else is extraneous.
I have a healthy relationship with food. My problem is, as a comic, I eat dinner late. But I'll have a smoothie for breakfast every morning, and I keep it pretty low-carb and healthy during the day. At night, I'll have a basic protein, quinoa, and vegetables.
I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was gorgeous because my mother was extremely devoted to this notion.
I'm super grateful that there wasn't social media when I was a kid, but that sort of self-doubt crept in at a young age. It's bullying. It's the comments here and there, and maybe somebody says something to you that they don't even mean to be a mean-spirited comment, but they'll just kind of say it to you in passing.
I love being in my own skin, and I hope other women start feeling better about themselves and waste less energy being ashamed of their bodies.
I think standup is pretty good for an introvert because you are performing, but, I mean, it's on your own terms. There are so many people in the room, but it's a one-sided conversation. And you actually don't have to interact - unless you want to.
I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh.
My regimen is I wake up, usually around 8:30, brush my teeth, and splash water on my face.
I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard.
I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.
To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.
My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.
I was always like that, at 5 years old, just demanding equality. I thought it could all be fixed if you called attention to it.
A big part of becoming a funny person was a major defense mechanism. Onstage, especially as a woman, I've had to be really tough. The second you show a crack, the audience can literally leave.
I really am a chick from Long Island who's just learning along with everyone.
It's not hard for me to be funny. But it's really hard. I don't think a lot of people are funny. I meet a lot of people, and most of them aren't funny.
It's really hard for a lot of men to have the woman accomplishing more than them.
People get really turned off by feminism.
I'm insanely close to my sister.
I am not a racist.
I am very into making up my own rules.
I can't hide my feelings. I'm efficient. I've always been that way.
I like people who are predictable.
I just have this sense of entitlement that I should be able to feel comfortable at all times, like I could go to bed at any moment in what I'm wearing.
I want people to live to their full potential, not to hold themselves back because of insecurities, and especially not women. I see too much of that.
I love watching TV.
